Shrinking Violet (a Colors novel) Read online

  “I think she’s okay. Just dirty and scared.” I picked Bug up from the counter and propped her on my hip, starting out of the kitchen. “I’m going to give her a bath and wash all this off.”

  My heart was still beating frantically in my chest as I carried Doodle Bug up the stairs and into the bathroom. I couldn’t bring myself to put her down until the tub was completely full. She stayed mostly silent as I went about scrubbing her little body, but as I lathered the shampoo in her hair, those bright blues focused on me, giving me sad puppy dog eyes.

  “I’m sowwy, Mommy.”

  She looked so remorseful, I just couldn’t bring myself to chastise her for nearly giving me a heart attack. “It’s okay, honey. But maybe next time I tell you not to play around the horses, you’ll listen, huh?”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  After her bath and a quick dinner, Willow was fading fast. I took a speedy shower before dressing in comfortable sleep shorts and a tank then took her up to her room and put on a movie, crawling into bed with her for a little while longer just to make sure she was okay. By the time Hiro met Baymax for the first time, my precious angel was fast asleep.

  I stuck around to watch until about the halfway point of Big Hero 6 before finally shifting Willow’s sleeping form from my lap and tucking her in tightly. I kissed her forehead, lingering just long enough to hear her breathing—a bad habit I picked up the second I brought her home from the hospital after she was born—and flicked the light switch, pulling her door closed just a bit so light from the hall could filter in to make sure the room wasn’t bathed in darkness.

  As I started down the hall toward my room, Carson came around the corner, causing my breath to hitch. His clothes were dry, but his hair was damp from a recent shower. He looked positively mouthwatering as he walked to me, wearing a pair of faded jeans, a simple tee, and work boots.

  “Hey.” His full lips tilted up in a hesitant smile. “I wanted to come check on Bug. She doing okay?”

  Tears clogged my throat as a riot of emotions crashed into me all at once. Without a word, I launched myself at him, wrapping my arms around his neck and burrowing my face in that nook between his chin and shoulder. I stood silent, clinging to him for several seconds before I was finally able to speak.

  “Thank you,” I whispered. “God, Carson. Thank you so much. I don’t know what I would have done if…” I couldn’t finish that sentence. I couldn’t even think about it.

  “Hey, hey, shhh.” The combination of his large hand stroking my hair and the sound of his heartbeat against my ear did a wonderful job of soothing me. I lost track of time as I stood wrapped in his arms. The comfort he was offering to me right then was enough to make me never want to move. Unfortunately, Carson’s hands moved to my shoulders, pushing me back far enough for him to see my face, his brow furrowed, and his mouth downturned in a worried frown.

  “Is Bug all right?”

  It wasn’t until that moment that I realized I’d been silently crying against Carson’s chest. Brushing the tears away with the back of my hand, I inhaled a shaky breath. “Yeah, she’s fine. She’s great, actually. Just a few scrapes and bruises, nothing major.”

  It was as though the tension melted away from him instantly and a palpable calm washed over him. “Good, I’m glad.” I’d been so consumed in the comfort he provided, that I hadn’t realized how much apprehension he’d been carrying in his massive frame until just then.

  The realization of just how much he cared for my daughter mixed with the adrenaline from earlier and the attraction that always plagued us became too much in that moment. Without thinking, my body took over. I stood on my tiptoes and pressed my lips firmly to his.

  What started as a chaste peck on the lips instantly morphed into something else altogether. Hunger and need took over.

  And I began to drown in it.

  Devour.

  That was the only word to describe how we both reacted to that kiss. It was the most all-consuming kiss I had ever experienced. I couldn’t get enough of his lips, his tongue, and the taste of him. It was mind-numbing bliss. Rough palms held on to my hips tightly, his fingers digging into the flesh between my shirt and the top of my sleep shorts.

  A whimper escaped me when his tongue traced the seam of my lips and I immediately opened, granting him access. The growl that vibrated from deep within his chest sent tingles straight to my core. I nipped at his bottom lip, wanting, needing more. That seemed to spur a reaction out of him. His grip moved from my hips to my behind, squeezing and kneading greedily, driving me out of my mind. I let out a loud moan and hopped up, wrapping my legs around his waist. I was so turned on, so lost in lust that I couldn’t care about anything…where we were, or who could possibly stumble upon us.

  Thankfully, Carson was on the move. The sound of a door shutting reverberated through the room just seconds before I was dropped unceremoniously onto my bed. I let out a small growl of irritation at the absence of his skin on mine, but it only lasted a second.

  I watched in a haze as Carson reached behind his head and grabbed the collar of his t-shirt, whipping it off. Drool-worthy was the only way to describe his immaculate body. I couldn’t think straight when I was looking at him. My body was taking over, fighting against that tiny, niggling voice in the back of my head telling me that getting so involved with him was a bad idea. My emotions rioted inside me, warring against each other. My conscious mind knew this wasn’t right, that he deserved better than someone like me, but my craving for him battled against letting him leave my bedroom without feeling all that skin against mine.

  There was no containing my groan of pleasure when Carson’s large frame covered me. His hips fit so perfectly against mine, like a missing puzzle piece. I wrapped my legs around him, locking my ankles to assure he couldn’t pull away. To my pleasure, that was the last thing on his mind.

  I had to clench my eyes shut against the pleasure as Carson rocked against me, his denim-covered erection hitting all the right places to make stars burst behind my eyelids.

  “So fucking perfect,” he whispered against my skin, his lips trailing down my neck. When he bit at the flesh of my collarbone, I thought I might spontaneously combust. “I knew you’d be perfect.”

  “Carson,” I moaned, my hips rotating against him, needing more friction, dying for it.

  When his lips left my skin, my eyes popped open to find him hovering over me, his mossy green eyes glowing almost obsidian with lust and want.

  “What do you need, baby? Just tell me what you want and I’ll give it to you. Anything.”

  “Kiss me.”

  His mouth came back to mine, hungry and demanding. I met his wicked tongue stroke for delicious stroke. One of Carson’s hands threaded through my hair, cradling my head so he could control just how deep the kiss went, while his other snaked down my ribs, continuing its torturous path until I felt his fingers on my skin beneath my panties. I sucked in a harsh breath as he breached my wet folds, pushing first one, then two fingers deep inside of me.

  I writhed against Carson’s hand as he pumped those long digits. “Don’t stop,” I cried on an exhale. “Please…please.”

  “Not stopping, baby,” he answered just as his thumb came into play, tracing tight circles against that tiny bundle of nerves, causing my back to arch off the bed. “Never stopping, Violet. Let me make you feel good.”

  “You are,” I moaned wantonly. “So good. Oh, God, Carson.”

  “I’ve been waiting for this moment…Christ, I’ve been waiting for you. You’re more beautiful than I imagined, writhing under me, so close to coming against my hand.”

  His dirty words pushed me closer and closer to the edge.

  “Is that what you need, baby? You want to come for me?”

  “Yes, please,” I begged with no shame, my head thrashing against the comforter on my bed. “Please. I need it, Carson.”

  “You’re mine,” he growled against my ear, his voice so full of determination that the fog around m
e seemed to lift. I gasped at the fierceness in his eyes. “You belong to me. Tell me, Cassidy.”

  “Carson,” I whimpered, unable to speak more than just the one word.

  “Who do you belong to, baby?” he egged on as he fingers continued to work. “Just tell me you’re mine and I’ll let you come.”

  I felt tears stinging the backs of my eyes. While the relentless pleasure was still at the forefront of my mind, I was no longer able to ignore that voice in the back of my head. This wasn’t right. He was so much better than me. He deserved better than me.

  “I-I can’t,” I stuttered, shaking my head while our eyes remained locked on each other.

  “You can,” he insisted between clenched teeth. “You know it’s true. Tell me.”

  My mind was a muddled mess. I needed him to stop…stop talking, stop moving those wicked fingers in and out of my body, stop looking at me like I was everything.

  “I don’t deserve you,” I whispered, teetering on the very edge of pure ecstasy.

  “But I deserve you.” He punctuated each word with a thrust of his hand between my legs. “I deserve you, Cassidy. I want you. I’ve never wanted anything more in my life.” His forehead fell against mine as a single tear broke loose, trailing across my temple into my hair. “Tell me, baby,” he pleaded. “Give me what I want…please.”

  And I was done. I couldn’t fight anymore, not after such an impassioned plea. It was true. Everything he was asking from me was true. I was his. I had been from the first moment we met. There was no use denying it anymore.

  “I belong to you, Carson,” I panted. “I’m yours.”

  His mouth crashed down on mine at the same time his fingers curled upward inside of me, his thumb pressing harder. Everything in me shattered into a million pieces as devastating pleasure consumed me. Crying out his name as I toppled over the edge of that cliff, crashing headfirst into wave after wave of pure bliss. He swallowed my moans and whimpers, taking everything I had to give and dragging it out until I felt wrung dry, unable to move a single limb.

  It had been so long…too long since I felt any kind of pleasure from a man, and I began questioning how I’d ever survived four years without sex as I sucked in one exhausted breath after another.

  It had never been like that…never. Yes, I had orgasms in my past, but not once had they been as intense, as shattering as the one Carson provided.

  And we hadn’t even had sex!

  Carson broke the kiss, pressing his forehead against mine. “God, you’re perfect when you come undone like that.” His words were reverent, making me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. Finally, he lifted his head, looking down at me, those beautiful pale green eyes full of wonder. “The way you light up for me, baby…” He paused, closing his eyes as though he were picturing it in his mind. “So goddamned beautiful.”

  Sliding my fingers through his hair, I pulled his face back to mine, pressing a light kiss to his lips, reveling in the feeling of being cherished. No one in my life had ever made me feel like that. Not my parents, not Parker, not Seth...no one.

  The smile that spread across my face was so wide, my cheeks began to ache. My fears, my reluctance, every thought warning me to slow it down was pushed to the wayside as Carson stared down at me like I was something precious to be treasured.

  His smile mimicked mine as he kissed me again. “Let me stay,” he whispered against my lips, causing me to shiver. I wanted to. God, how I wanted to…

  “I can’t.”

  Carson groaned, his head falling into the crook of my neck where he nipped and sucked at my skin. “I’m not finished with you,” he practically growled. “Let me stay and I swear I’ll spend all night making you feel so good you won’t be able to walk tomorrow.”

  His words were punctuated by a roll of his hips against the sensitive flesh between my thighs, and it was my turn to groan.

  “Carson, I can’t.” My voice was pleading, almost whiny. “Willow could come in here. That kid wakes up with the sun almost every day.”

  With a dejected huff, Carson flopped onto his back on the mattress next to me and I took the opportunity to look my fill, trying my best to memorize every curve and dip of his fabulous chest. If the bulge behind the fly of his jeans was any indication, Lana’s concerns about God’s sense of humor could be put to rest. Just the sight of it caused my blood to reheat and my skin to prickle.

  “You keep looking at me like that and I’m gonna have to ignore everything you just said and bury myself deep inside your sweet little body.”

  Despite every inch of me wanting desperately to take him up on that offer, I managed to find the strength to sit up. I swung my legs over the side of the bed, ready to stand when his arm came around my waist like a steel band, pulling my back against his rock-hard chest with a rough growl.

  “Where do you think you’re going?”

  It might have made every feminist on the planet balk, but a thrill went through me at the possessiveness laced through his words. “Carson.” I laughed. “I have to go to the bathroom. And you really need to leave. I don’t want Bug to find you in here.”

  “Would it really be so bad?”

  I tried my best to ignore the slight hint of pain in his voice. “I don’t want her to start asking a bunch of questions I don’t have the answer to.”

  His hold loosened enough for me to break away and stand. When I turned to look back at him, the frustration on his face was the last thing I expected. “What’s the matter?”

  Climbing from my bed, Carson grabbed his shirt from the floor and pulled it on, his movements jerky and agitated. To say I was confused by his sudden mood swing would have been a serious understatement.

  “Are you…are you mad at me?” I asked in complete bewilderment as he glowered at me.

  Carson’s arms crossed over his broad chest as he regarded me with narrowed eyes. “Why don’t you tell me exactly what it is you aren’t clear on. I’ll make sure you have all the answers you need.”

  Running my hands through my hair with a sigh, I matched Carson’s stare, hoping the uncertainty I was feeling wasn’t radiating from my eyes. “Carson, be reasonable…”

  That was most definitely the wrong thing to say. His eyes flashed as he prowled toward me. For each step he took forward, I found myself taking one back, until I was pressed firmly against the wall with no means of escape. His arms came up, palms against the wall on either side of my head, pinning me in place.

  “I just had my hand shoved down your pants, Cassidy,” he ground out lewdly. “I felt how wet you were for me as you came all over my fingers. I think it’s perfectly reasonable to be pissed when you start getting cold on me two seconds after I get you off.”

  Oh, no, he didn’t.

  I was both aggravated and insanely turned-on at the same time. Tilting my head up to glare at him, I decided to act on the former. “Well, excuse me for not knowing what to expect from the guy who banged another girl in the closet of a bar!”

  A smug, arrogant smile twisted his lips, and I couldn’t decide if I wanted to slap him or kiss him more. “I know what you’re doing and it’s not gonna work, sweetheart.”

  “Oh, really? Enlighten me, please. What is it you think I’m doing?”

  He leaned in closer, his breath fanning across my cheek. “You’re trying to push me away, and I’m not gonna let that happen. I won’t let you hold that over my head as some pathetic excuse to keep me at a distance because you’re scared.”

  Shit. He was right. I was trying to push him away because I was beyond scared. I was petrified. None of the relationships I had in the past held even an ounce of the spark I felt with Carson…and look how those all turned out. I was terrified of what this man could bring out in me. I’d worked tirelessly to bury that self-loathing, jealous, quick-tempered little girl I used to be, and just being in Carson’s presence stirred everything up and threatened to unearth it all.

  “It’s not pathetic!” I insisted…well, quite pathetically,
actually.

  “There was nothing happening between either of us when I hooked up with that girl. We’d been dancing around each other for a couple of days, but that was it. You can’t hold me being a single guy with a fully functioning dick against me. I didn’t do anything wrong by you that night. Hell, there’s been no one else since I found out you had feelings for me, so you might as well let that go.”

  The fire in me quickly snuffed out. My shoulders dropped in defeat. “What are we even doing, Carson? We barely know each other. I have a daughter, for crying out loud! Trust me, I’m not the kind of woman you want to get mixed up with.”

  He brushed his nose against mine gently and I melted. When he spoke, his voice was soft. “That’s not your choice. We’re already mixed up and there’s no going back.”

  “You don’t even know me,” I said weakly.

  “I know I’ve wanted you since the moment I laid eyes on you. I know that after tonight, you’re mine. And I know I’m not letting you go. That’s all I need to know.”

  I shook my head. “Carson—”

  He kissed me, effectively silencing me. I had no choice but to respond to his talented lips and tongue. When he pulled back, the smile on his face was positively triumphant.

  “Might as well start getting used to it, Violet, because I’m not going anywhere.”

  With that, he turned and headed for the bedroom door, shooting a wink at me over his shoulder as he exited, leaving me to ponder one significant question.

  What the hell had I just gotten myself into?

  Yes, I was a pushy bastard.

  I knew Cassidy was reluctant to start something up between us, for whatever reason, but I was done dancing around the attraction that had been building around us since we met. I had so few good things in my life, and it was high time I got something I wanted. So I took it. And I’d be damned if I was going to feel guilty about it.

  I didn’t know what caused those clouds behind my Violet’s bright blue eyes, why she seemed to feel so unworthy, but I wasn’t going to let it stop me. I’d get through to her eventually, and hopefully, when I earned her trust, I’d be able to help her work through whatever demons she insisted on carrying around with her.