Shrinking Violet (a Colors novel) Read online

  “Come back after,” he said as he stood with me.

  I wanted to…really wanted to, but I wasn’t sure. As much as my body craved him, I just didn’t know if I was ready for what a night with Carson would mean. I was already falling for the guy, there was no question about that, but I was scared of how I might react once we took our relationship to the next level. I hadn’t had sex with another man since Seth. I was afraid of what I’d be capable of doing once Carson and I became well and truly physical. I didn’t trust myself not to revert into that pathetic, insecure girl I was when I’d been with Parker and Seth.

  “I don’t know…”

  As if sensing my discomfort, he pulled me into his arms and pressed a warm, soft kiss against my lips. “We don’t have to do anything, baby. I just want you with me. That’s all, I swear.”

  My mind and heart fought against each other as I stared up into his moss-colored eyes. Finally, my heart won out.

  “Okay,” I whispered. My breath caught at the brilliant smile that stretched across Carson’s lips at my response. I couldn’t remember ever meeting a man as beautiful as Carson Langford. It still amazed me that someone like him could possibly want someone like me. I often had to remind myself that it was because he didn’t know about my past, how once he knew the real me, he wouldn’t be able to stand the sight of me.

  But that wasn’t something I wanted to think about just then. As selfish as it seemed, I wanted to hold on to this amazing man for as long as I could. I wanted desperately to keep Carson in my life, even if it was just for a little while. No matter how painful the heartbreak would be when it finally did end.

  For the time being, I was going to let myself feel something for the man who was too good for me. The man I didn’t deserve.

  My stomach was in knots as I paced my bedroom. I told him I’d go back, and I would, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t nervous about it. He promised that nothing had to happen, but as the anticipation heated me from the inside out, I knew the moment I crossed that threshold it was inevitable—our relationship would forever be changed.

  A million butterflies had taken flight in my stomach with every passing second I waited for the house to grow silent. It had been so long…so long. The giddy anticipation made me feel like a teenage girl all over again. It was as though it was my first time. The red numbers glowing from my bedside clock told me it was a little after eleven.

  What if I had waited too long?

  What if he was already asleep?

  What if he changed his mind?

  Different scenarios ran through my head, none of them good. After another ten minutes of internal battling, I finally managed to pull up my big-girl panties and head out the door.

  Speaking of panties…I did a quick double-check to make sure my underwear at least matched before heading over to Carson’s house. The light blue lacy bra and panty set was definitely an upgrade from the standard plain cotton I always wore. The changes in myself from pre to post-Willow never ceased to amaze me. Back then, you never would have caught me in anything other than lace or silk. Nowadays, I was lucky if what I pulled on even matched.

  I walked on my tippy-toes down the hall, careful to avoid all the creaky floorboards. A quick peek into Bug’s room showed her and Navie curled up in her bed, both of them sound asleep.

  I held my breath as I made my way down the stairs, keeping my ears open for any potential sounds from Milly or Kal. Once I finally cleared the kitchen and pushed the back door open, I was finally able to release my breath, having escaped without anyone noticing.

  It wasn’t until my feet hit the dewy grass that I realized how ridiculous I’d just been. A giggle escaped my lips, trailing through the night air. I was a twenty-two-year-old woman, for Christ’s sake. A grownup. A mother. I was allowed to leave the house whenever I wanted. Yet, I’d just spent a good five minutes doing a poor imitation of a stealthy ninja, creeping from room to room.

  Pathetic.

  With each step I took, I sucked in a deep lungful of air, trying my best to calm the rapid beat of my heart against my ribs. As I climbed his front porch, my eyes were drawn to the porch swing where I’d sat, wrapped in his strong arms hours before. Just remembering how good it felt to be held against him was enough to fortify my desire and push the nervous energy back. I reached out a shaky hand, ready to knock when the door suddenly flew open. The sight of Carson standing there, wearing nothing but a pair of loose, black basketball shorts was enough to render me completely speechless.

  “I was starting to think you weren’t gonna show.”

  His words sounded calm and casual, but the worry lying deep within his penetrating gaze belied the easiness of his tone.

  “I—” Before I got another word out, Carson grabbed me by my waist and jerked me to him, his mouth coming down on mine in a hard, desperate kiss. We moved backwards into the house. The sound of the front door slamming shut echoed through the otherwise-empty room. I was just to the point of near combustion when Carson ended the kiss, wrapping his arms tightly around me in a hug.

  “I’m so glad you’re here,” he spoke against the hair draped over my shoulder. It was the deep, shuddering breath he released that told me just how important it was that I was standing there with him. He really thought I wasn’t going to come.

  “I told you I would,” I said softly, reaching up to run my fingers through the silky strands of his dark hair. I wanted so badly to give him comfort.

  We stood wrapped around each other for several seconds, just absorbing each other’s presence before Carson pulled back and took my hand, leading me further into the living room.

  “Are you in the mood for a movie?”

  It’s now or never. Big-girl panties time. Sucking in a deep breath, I looked into his jade eyes. “I want to go to bed.”

  “You tired?” he asked, tucking a loose strand of hair behind my ear.

  “No,” I answered firmly with a shake of my head.

  I had to force myself to stand in place and not shift from foot to foot as he studied my expression. Finally, understanding flashed across his face before quickly being replaced by extreme want.

  He was affected, no doubt about it. His deep voice sounded as though he’d just gargled rocks as he asked, “Are you sure? We don’t have to—”

  I pressed my fingers against his lips to silence him. “I’m sure. Take me to bed, Carson…please.”

  Several things happened all at once. In a flurry of movement, I was hoisted off the ground by Carson’s arms. I let out a startled yelp at how quickly he had moved and had to wrap my arms and legs around him tightly to stay in place. His lips slammed onto mine in a ravenous kiss that had my toes curling. If the force of his tongue against mine is a precursor for things to come, I might just end up dying from pleasure by the end of the night.

  As Carson moved toward the bedroom, he used his hands to assault my body in the most delicious ways. One of his hands gripped my hips, pulling me into his rock-hard erection with every step he took. The feel of him pressing against my most sensitive parts was nearly overwhelming. My mouth detached from his as my head fell back on a moan.

  I rotated my hips against his, desperate to feel him against me without the barrier of clothes. A deep, feral growl vibrated up his chest as he tossed me onto his mattress, following me down just a moment later. His large frame pinned me to the bed. I was caged in by this man and loved every minute of it. As his mouth trailed down my neck, licking and sucking and biting—yes, biting—I spread my legs further apart to cradle his hips against me.

  “Perfect,” he grunted as he pushed up onto his hands, his biceps bulging in the most erotic way as he stared down at me and thrust against me. “So fucking perfect.”

  With a whimper, I dragged my nails down his chest, causing him to hiss and thrust even harder.

  “Tell me you want me,” he demanded.

  “God, Carson, I do. I want you so bad.”

  “Who do you belong to?” he asked as he pulled away, h
is hands and mouth kissing a path down my body. I needed him to come back. I needed to feel his weight hovering over me. “Tell me, baby.” My head thrashed from side to side at the feel of his hot breath against my inner thighs. I was so turned on, so wet for him that I had no doubt he could see the evidence of my arousal soaking through the thin layers of my shorts and panties. A wave of embarrassment crashed over me as I tried to squeeze my thighs together.

  “Nuh-uh, Violet.” His rough hands held my legs apart, his face so close. “You’re not hiding from me, baby. This is all mine.” I felt his lips against my inner thigh…bite, lick, bite, lick. “All mine, Cassidy. Say it. Say you belong to me.”

  “I belong to you!” I cried out. “I belong to you, and you belong to me! Now please, please touch me,” I begged.

  With a deep, guttural sound of approval, Carson moved just long enough to drag my shorts and panties down my legs, throwing them over his shoulder and leaving me completely bare to him from the waist down.

  “Fuuuuck,” he drug out as he closed his eyes tightly and lowered his head. With the first swipe of his tongue against my wet folds, I cried out as my back arched off the bed. I’d never experienced this before. I’d had sex with a handful of men—well, boys, really—but never once had any of them ever gone down on me. The sensation was completely foreign, unexpected. I wasn’t sure whether or not that was a good thing, but the moment Carson’s lips sucked at my clit, teasing the tiny bundle of nerves with the tip of his tongue, stars burst behind my eyelids.

  “Oh, God,” I moaned wantonly. “So good.”

  “Fuck, baby. I knew you’d taste like Heaven,” he ground out as he devoured me like a starving man.

  With each suck, each flick, I teetered closer and closer to my release. My chest rose with each shallow breath. All of a sudden, two fingers joined his talented mouth, plunging in deep and setting me off, careening down into a release that stole my breath. My hips jerked up to meet his face, over and over as I rode out my orgasm, Carson’s name tumbling from my lips as I begged for more.

  Before I had a chance to catch my breath, the sound of a condom wrapper being ripped open sounded through the room. Looking down my body, I watched with rapt attention as Carson dropped his shorts, letting them pool on the floor at his feet.

  Oh. My. God.

  I was certain my mouth was hanging open as I took in the absolute splendor that was Carson Langford’s naked form. The man was rock-solid…everywhere. On instinct, I licked my lips as the longing to taste him rolled over me.

  “Like what you see?” he asked with a chuckle. My response caught in my throat as he reached down and grabbed hold of himself. His grip was tighter than I would have ever dared as he began to jack himself off. It was the most erotic thing I’d ever seen.

  “What do you want, baby?”

  I had to clear my throat in order to answer. “I want you…inside me, Carson. Right now.” I was afraid I’d burst into flames at any moment if he didn’t touch me soon. “I need you.”

  Those three words seemed to give him pause. He froze for a moment as he began to slide the condom down his long, hard length, his darkened gaze shooting up to meet mine.

  “You need me?”

  His reaction was unexpected. It was like he’d never heard those words spoken by another person before. My heart flipped over in my chest at the realization that I was the first person to give him that.

  “I do,” I whispered, resting up on my elbows so he could see my words meant so much more than just sex. “I need you, Carson. So much.”

  Something flashed across his expression that I didn’t have time to place. In a blink, he was hovering over me, his hardness pressing insistently at my opening.

  “You can still say no,” he panted, seemingly out of breath. “But once I’m inside you, there’s no going back. You’re mine completely, and I’m not letting you go.”

  I gave him a cheeky grin and said, “I thought I was already yours.”

  “Are you teasing me?” he asked with a devilish smirk. “That’s not very nice, now is it?”

  I opened my mouth to respond, only to have my words escape in a garbled cry as Carson plunged deep into me.

  “Oh, God. Oh, shit,” he chanted between clenched teeth. “Shit, baby, you’re so damn tight. Are you okay? Did I hurt you?”

  I shook my head, unable to speak as my body stretched to accommodate him. “N-no. You didn’t hurt me.”

  He slowly began to pump in and out, letting my body adjust to his. He was so big. Bigger than anyone I’d ever been with before. But he took his time, being careful, reading my body and face to make sure the only thing he was giving me was pleasure.

  “Faster, baby,” I told him, grabbing hold of his ass for support as I lifted my hips to his.

  “Does my girl want it a little rough?” he growled in my ear, and I moaned at the thought of him letting loose.

  “Yes, please. I want it faster and harder.”

  His hips pulled back until just the head was inside before snapping his hips and burying himself to the hilt. “Like that, baby?”

  “Oh, God. YES! Carson, like that. Just like that.”

  Each brutal thrust drove me closer and closer to the edge of the abyss. I’d never in my life come more than once during sex, but as Carson hit every secret button inside me, I began to teeter on the precipice of another release as my core coiled tighter and tighter.

  “Eyes on me, Violet.” I hadn’t even realized my lids were squeezed shut until he spoke. His eyes were glazed over, nearly black with lust as he kept up his punishing pace.

  “Carson,” I whimpered, beginning to feel somewhat scared by the intensity building inside of me.

  “Christ. I knew…fucking knew it’d be this good. The way you taste; the way you squeeze my cock. Jesus, baby. Never felt so good before.”

  “I’m close! So close!” His words did nothing but spur me on. I met his hips with my own on every stroke.

  “Give it to me, baby. I want to feel you come around me. I want to hear you scream my name. No one can make you feel this good. No one else will ever make you light up like I can.”

  “Oh! OH! CARSON!” I shouted. My head fell back on the pillow and my entire body bowed upward. My toes curled into the comforter as I yelled his name so loud my throat began to hurt.

  “That’s it, baby. That’s it. Fuck! YES!” With a roar, Carson followed me over the edge, pumping into me until there was nothing left of either of us. Aftershocks riddled our bodies as he collapsed on top of me, and I gladly took his weight.

  Never.

  Not. One. Damn. Time. It had never been like that.

  I was pretty sure I’d just experienced nirvana.

  And I was also pretty certain I’d just fallen the rest of the way in love with Carson.

  That was…

  I didn’t have the right words to do justice to what had just taken place between Cassidy and me.

  “Holy shit,” she breathed as I rolled onto my back, afraid I was beginning to crush her under my weight.

  Yeah, ‘holy shit’ about sums it up, I thought as I slung one of my arms over my head and tried to regulate my breathing.

  After a few quiet minutes where the only sound in the room was the two of us breathing, I finally stopped feeling like my heart was going to come out of my chest. When Cassidy’s tiny frame turned my way and she curled herself against me, I could have died a happy man.

  “Carson,” she started, her breath fanning across my naked chest. “That was...oh, my God. It’s never been like that before.”

  My arms came down and curled around her, pulling her impossibly closer. I loved the feel of her skin against mine. If I could have figured out a way to get away with it, I’d have made every room we were in together a clothing-free zone. “What’s never been like that?” I asked as my fingers began toying with her hair.

  She lay motionless for several seconds before finally stuttering, “I’ve never…it was just so…I can’t describe it. I
t’s just never felt like that in the past.”

  “You’ve never come before?” How was that even possible? The Cassidy lying against my chest with her arms thrown across my stomach was the most responsive, most combustible woman I’d ever been with. If those assholes hadn’t been able to get her off, that was all on them.

  “No…I mean, I have. Just never like that.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I’ve had orgasms in the past. But that…with you...I was afraid I was going to black out. They’ve never been that intense before.”

  Well, hell, if that wasn’t the most potent ego boost I’d ever received in my life, I didn’t know what was. I could practically feel my ribcage swelling with pride.

  As if sensing my elation at her admission, Cassidy folded her hands on top of my chest and rested her chin on them, her crystal blue eyes shining in the darkness of the room as she stared up at me. “You’re pretty proud of yourself right now, aren’t you?” she teased.

  “Pleased that I just gave my girl the best pleasure she’s ever known and ruined her for every other guy on Earth? Bet your ass, I’m pleased.”

  “Carson!” She gave my chest a playful slap and started to roll away. I wasn’t having any of that. I’d finally gotten her in my bed, and there was no way in hell I was letting her out.

  Grabbing her by the waist, I jerked her back down onto the bed and rolled on top of her. As if they had a mind of their own, her luscious thighs spread to cradle me perfectly. “Where do you think you’re going?”

  “I need to get back to the house.”

  “Nuh-uh.” Leaning down, I nuzzled her jaw before trailing a path up to her ear, pulling her lobe between my teeth and biting down just enough to make her moan and writhe underneath me. “You’re not leaving.”

  Her voice was breathy as she spoke, “If I don’t leave, I’m not going to get any sleep tonight.”

  “That’s the plan,” I growled.

  “Carson, wait.” Cassidy’s hands came up and pressed against my chest, pushing me up so she could see my face. “I can’t function on no sleep. Not with a three-year-old running me ragged from sunup to sundown. If you promise I’ll get some rest, I’ll stay. If not, I really do need to go.”