Defile Page 4

  “You hear that, baby? It’s finally fuckin’ happening. We’re going on tour!”

  She smiled and placed a kiss on my lips, but there was an uncertainty in her eyes that made an uncomfortable knot form in my stomach. Something was off. Tatum hadn’t been herself for a long time now, and I didn’t understand why. I got the impression that Chris made her uncomfortable and that she didn’t trust him, but she’d never spoken a word against him, and the guy hadn’t done anything to warrant us dropping him. I kept telling myself that it was just the instability of our life over the past eighteen months that had been weighing on her. Now that the doors were finally starting to open for us, she could breathe a little easier.

  “That’s fantastic, Deck. I’m so happy for you guys.”

  I set her back on her feet but kept her close. “What’s wrong, Tate? You don’t look that excited.”

  “No, I am!” she declared loudly. Her expression finally began to warm, and genuine happiness shined in her eyes. “This is it, honey. I’m freaking thrilled.”

  Resting my forehead against hers, I spoke in a hushed voice. “Nothin’ but good from here on out, baby.”

  “I’m so proud of you,” she replied, her tone just as quiet as mine.

  “I’m gonna give you the world, Tatum Valentine. Just wait and see.”

  Her smile wobbled as tears pooled in her eyes. “I don’t need the world. All I need is you.”

  She might not need it, but like hell I wasn’t going to give it to her. She deserved nothing but the best. My girl deserved to eat at the best restaurants, wear the most expensive clothes, live in the biggest house I could build her. She deserved to drip with diamonds. And I was going to make all of that happen.

  “Declan,” Chris called, pulling my focus his way. With my arm still wrapped around her waist, I kept Tate plastered to my side as I looked up at my manager. “I don’t think it’s wise for Tatum to go on the tour with you.”

  My entire body locked tight, and I felt my girl’s muscles tense against me. “Why the fuck not?”

  “Deck,” Tate whispered in a warning tone, telling me to keep my anger in check.

  “A tour like this really isn’t the place for a young woman. The travel is grueling. You’ll be working constantly. It’s not like you two would have much time to see each other, and she’d only be a distraction when you should be focusing on the music.”

  I was two seconds from burying my fist in the shithead’s face if he didn’t watch what he said. “Where I go, Tate goes,” I ground out between my clenched jaw.

  “She’s been with us from the very beginning,” Garrett added. “She’s just as much a part of Civil Corruption as any of us are. Hell, we wouldn’t even be here if it wasn’t for her.”

  I knew the other guys felt the exact same way. She was the one who’d come up with our band name and gotten us our first gigs. She was the one who made it possible for us to play in front of Chris in the first damn place. Without her, most of the songs on our album wouldn’t even be complete.

  Chris held his hands up. “I just don’t think it’s wise—”

  “I don’t give the first shit what you think is wise,” I interrupted, then repeated, “Where I go, Tate. Goes. End of story.”

  “Declan,” Tatum said, loud enough to get everyone’s attention. “It’s okay. Maybe Chris is right. I don’t want to get in the way. I came along when you guys first left San Francisco because I wanted to help. You haven’t really needed me much this past year, and if Chris thinks it’s best—”

  My throat started closing up, making it damn near impossible for me to breathe. “You promised,” I hissed, with so much anger it caused her eyes to widen. “You said you’d never leave me, remember?”

  “Baby,” she whispered, placing a hand on my chest to try and calm me. “I’m not leaving you. Not like that. I just want to do whatever’s best for you and the rest of the guys.”

  I felt like I was losing my goddamn mind. Panic had started to seep into my bones at the thought of her not being with me every goddamn day. “What’s best for me is having you by my side. I’m done talking about this,” I snapped, lifting my head and skewering Chris with my gaze. “She’s coming on the tour. And I’m not gonna have this fucking discussion again. Got it?”

  “Got it.”

  Tatum

  After Declan’s proclamation Chris had looked at me like I was shit beneath his shoe. He didn’t like me, and the feeling was one hundred and fifty percent mutual.

  Things had changed since he came on the scene. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, but it was as if the axis of my world had shifted. As if a wedge had been placed between Declan and me. A big, stupid, Chris Evers–shaped wedge.

  The guys had gone down to the studio to start the finishing touches on their album before we all had to pack up for a trip around the country in only two short weeks. I used the alone time, so I used it to my advantage and called the only person who could help me navigate the storm raging inside of me.

  “Hey, honey bunch!”

  “Mom.” My voice cracked on that one word, and tears started leaking from my eyes.

  “Oh, sweetie, what’s wrong?”

  Sniffling into the phone, I sucked in a deep breath and batted the wetness from my cheeks. “Nothing. I just… I miss you.”

  “I miss you too, Tate, but that’s not why you’re upset. You forget, even through a phone I can tell when you’re lying. Did something happen? Is it Declan?”

  “No. Well… I don’t know.” I blew out a frustrated puff of air, trying to find the right words to describe what I was feeling. “It’s nothing bad. Actually, it’s really great. The guys got invited to open for a big band that’s going on tour in two weeks.”

  “Well, that sure sounds great to me. So why are you crying?”

  Pressing the heel of my palm into my forehead, I clenched my eyes closed and replied honestly. “I don’t know, Mom. Things are… different. Off-kilter. I can’t explain it. It’s just something I feel.”

  I could hear my mother breathing through the line and knew she was trying her best to come up with a way to soothe my pain. “Is it the tour? Does them joining mean you’re coming home?”

  Home. That was a concept that had been completely foreign to me the past year and a half. I’d never felt more adrift in my life.

  “No, he wants me to go with them. Actually, he got really upset when Chris suggested I not go along. It’s just… when we first left, I had a purpose, you know? I was booking them gigs and helping with their schedule. I was useful. Then Chris came along, and I just feel like….”

  “They don’t need you,” she finished for me.

  “Exactly. I mean, what’s the point of me still being here? They’re always in the studio, or playing at clubs I’m not even old enough to get into. Or they’re hanging with this industry person, or that record exec. And I’m either waiting tables at a crappy diner or sitting in the apartment alone. I feel useless.”

  “Have you talked to Declan about what’s bothering you?”

  “I don’t want to turn it into a thing. He’s working so hard. All the guys are. I don’t want to add more stress on top of what they’re already dealing with.”

  “So, what? You think your stress doesn’t matter? Honey, I’m not going to lie and tell you I wasn’t upset when you first left home. I was, but I get it. And despite what your father says, he gets it too. And it’s obvious to anyone with eyes that Declan’s crazy about you. You really think he’d rather you keep everything to yourself instead of confiding in him?”

  “No, I…. You’re right. He asks me all the time.” Annoyance with myself held me in a tight grip. “I don’t know how to explain it, Mom. Nothing’s actually happened. It’s just this feeling in the pit of my stomach. It’s like everything’s changed since Chris came into the picture. The guy sets me on edge. I don’t know what it is about him that makes me not like him.”

  My mother’s voice was soft and gentle as she replied, “T
hat’s called women’s intuition, sweetie. Your gut is telling you to be wary of this guy.”

  “But he hasn’t even given me a reason not to like him!” I cried. “He hasn’t actually done anything wrong.”

  “He doesn’t need to. You can see beneath the surface to something in him that’s not good. Talk to Deck, honey. Tell him how you feel. And watch yourself whenever this Chris guy is around. Maybe this is your subconscious telling you that you need a little break. What if you came home for a week or two? Just to get your head straight.”

  “Maybe you’re right,” I admitted. “Maybe I should come home for a bit.”

  “Think of it as a mini vacation,” she chirped brightly, trying to lighten the mood. “A little time apart is always good for a relationship. And you two have been on top of each other for over a year now. It’ll do you both good.”

  “A mini vacation,” I whispered, more to myself than my mom. “Yeah, I’ll think about it.”

  “You do that. And let me know what you decide. You know you always have a place here whenever you want.”

  “Thanks, Mom. I’ll let you know what I decide. I love you.”

  “I love you too, honey bunch.”

  Pulling the phone from my ear, I ended the call just as the front door slammed shut so hard the walls rattled. Jerking around in fright, I saw Declan standing just inside.

  “Oh my god,” I breathed, my heart nearly beating out of my chest. “You scared the shit out of me, baby. Where are the rest of the guys? How long have you been standing there?”

  The blue-gray of Declan’s eyes were full-on thunderstorms as he stalked toward me. When he got close enough, I could see the gray had swallowed his pupils, making them nothing more than tiny pinpricks. “They went out with Chris to blow off some steam. I came back because I wanted to be with you. And I’ve been standing there long enough to hear you’re considering leaving me.”

  I stood from the couch and took a step back as his menacing stride brought him closer. I’d never seen him look so furious before. “It’s not like that, Deck. We were just talking about me going for a visit. That’s all.”

  “Yeah, because your head’s all twisted up and you’ve been keeping that shit from me.”

  Crap. He’d been listening longer than I’d anticipated.

  “What the fuck, Tate? Why haven’t you told me what’s been bothering you? Jesus Christ,” he snarled, raking his hands through his dark hair.

  “Because there’s nothing to tell!” I shouted, throwing my arms up. “How the hell am I supposed to explain that your manager, the guy who’s making all your dreams come true, freaks me the fuck out? You’d want an answer, and I don’t have one because it’s just a feeling!”

  “You explain it like you just did!” he shouted back. “And what about all that shit you said about feeling useless? Were you planning on keeping that from me too?”

  “They’re my own issues to deal with—”

  “Bullshit! Your issues are my issues, Tatum. Everything about you is mine, and everything about me is yours. It’s you and me forever, or have you forgotten that?”

  “Of course I haven’t!” I yelled as the need to cry overwhelmed me.

  “You and me forever,” he repeated in a ravaged whisper as he reached out and took my face in his hands. His expression was so full of need and despair when he pressed his forehead to mine that it made my skin tingle. “I can’t do this without you. None of it matters without you. How can you think you’re useless when you’re the only fucking reason I’m doing any of this?”

  Losing my hold on my tears, they began racing down my cheeks as I wrapped my fingers around his wrists. “Don’t say that,” I pleaded in a small voice. “You’re doing this because it’s your dream. It’s what you love.”

  His forehead rubbed against mine as he shook his head. “You’re the only dream I have, the only thing I love.” He pulled his wrists from my hands and began tugging at my clothes, stripping me with almost manic desperation. His touch ignited the exact same feeling inside of me. He began walking me backward toward the bed, and before I knew it we were both completely naked. “None of this matters if you’re not by my side, Tate,” he said as he pushed me onto the mattress and followed me down, pinning me in place with his considerable weight.

  “Declan,” I whimpered, suddenly crazy for him. I needed to feel him everywhere.

  “You can’t leave me.” Then he drove into me in one savage, claiming thrust, making me cry out in pleasure and pain at the fierce intrusion. “You’re not leaving me.”

  “I’m not leaving you. I won’t,” I panted as my belly coiled tighter.

  “Promise,” he growled as he moved hard and fast inside me.

  “I promise, Declan. You and me forever.”

  “Forever. Never forget that.”

  Chapter Seven

  Tatum

  Twenty-two years old

  While there had been a few ups over the past two years, most of that time had been full of soul-crushing, heartbreaking downs.

  Civil Corruption had burst onto the scene like a juggernaut. After their tour with Crossbones, life exploded for the guys. Doors burst open, record labels salivated over them, fighting each other tooth and nail to sign the hot new band that was taking the world by storm.

  Their first album had blown to the top of the charts, and they’d become a sensation practically overnight. Things moved at a whirlwind pace after that: their own tour, another album, radio interviews, TV appearances, magazine spreads, award shows. Hell, a year back they’d taken the stage at the Grammy’s to claim their statues for Best Rock Album.

  And I’d been present for all of it while simultaneously being shoved into the shadows by Chris.

  I was background, wallpaper, that pointless artificial plant tucked into the corner that goes completely unnoticed until it eventually gathers too much dust to ignore.

  “Excuse me. Excuse me, miss. You can’t stand there. You’re in the shot. Please get out of the way.”

  I spun around, the red carpet area surrounding me in a flurry of activity. The handler for the celebrity coming up behind me was staring daggers as she tried to get the famous person she was escorting in front of a wall of photographers.

  “Sorry,” I muttered, trying to move out of the way. Problem was I didn’t have the first fucking clue where to go.

  Declan and the rest of the guys were currently standing on a little podium doing a quick interview with one of those entertainment news guys.

  Their handler—because apparently grown-ass people weren’t allowed to walk down a long, blood red carpet without assistance—had shoved me back here in this corner and was currently standing by the band, drooling over each and every one of them.

  A hand grabbed my elbow and pulled me further off to the side. When I looked over my shoulder, it took every bit of strength I had not to curl my lip in disgust at the sight of Chris.

  “In the way again, I see.”

  “It’s hardly my fault,” I grumbled, careful to keep a platonic expression on my face, lest I be photographed and put in a magazine or something as Declan Forrester’s guest. It had happened more times than I cared to admit. “This place is a freaking circus. It’d be easier to herd cats, for Christ’s sake.”

  He gave me a sour look before wiping his face clean and staring back at the mayhem around us. “I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. You don’t belong here, Tatum. You’re only holding him back.”

  Pasting on a fake smile, I looked him right in the eyes and hissed, “Fuck you, Chris,” between my pearly teeth. Another piece of me died inside right then, because I knew he was right. My relationship with Declan had been going steadily downhill the past two years, and I had no idea how to get us back on track. I couldn’t put my troubles on Garrett’s, Killian’s, or Mace’s shoulders because they were just as wrapped up in the life as Declan.

  The parties, the flashy people, the lights and cameras. The fame. My sweet, loving boyfriend had be
come consumed by all of it. He reveled in it. The Declan I’d known before was a distant memory, replaced by a rock star immersed in his celebrity status. I barely recognized the man slept beside on the nights he decided to actually come home from whatever party or club he was hanging at.

  It wasn’t like he was treating me badly, at least not intentionally. Whenever I brought up the distance, or mentioned missing him since he’d been gone so much, he’d hold me like he used to. He’d whisper sweet words in my ear as he made love to me. It was as if he didn’t even realize how much he was changing, and I couldn’t help but start to resent him because of it.

  Gone was the shitty apartment in the not-so-nice part of town. The second Declan had gotten his first paycheck from the label he’d splurged on a glamorous house in Hollywood Hills and planted me in it. He’d spoiled me with expensive clothes and jewelry, the occasional date to a restaurant we’d never been able to afford before. But I hated all of it.

  “He’ll eventually get tired of having to hold your hand through all of this. He’s a star on the rise. They all are. He shouldn’t have to coddle you because of your insecurities.”

  Telling Declan about the mean, spiteful things Chris had taken to saying to me would’ve been absolutely pointless. Declan thought the man walked on water. He made the band’s dreams come true. Chris Evers could do no wrong.

  When the guys left the podium and started back toward me, Chris took a subtle step away, putting some much-needed distance between us.

  “Hey, baby.” Declan looped his arm around my waist and started guiding me farther down the carpet toward the theater where the award ceremony was being held. “You having fun?”

  “A blast,” I lied, grinning up at my handsome man. Well, not so much mine anymore. Declan Forrester, front man for Civil Corruption, was no longer just mine. He now belonged to the world. I hadn’t realized it was possible to be jealous of every single person on an entire planet, but I was.

  We took a few steps, him waving at the crowd of screaming, adoring fans while I kept my head down, my hair forming a curtain that shielded me from the voyeurs.