Picking up the Pieces Read online

  Picking up the Pieces

  Jessica Prince

  Dedication

  To Josh and Jacob,

  Thank you for making my life whole.

  PROLOGUE

  PAST

  Summer 2005

  EMERSON

  “What the hell do you mean, you enlisted?” I couldn’t catch my breath. It felt like the ground had just been pulled out from under me. My best friend, the person I had grown up next to my entire life, just informed me that he had enlisted in the Marine Corps. This couldn’t be happening.

  “Emmy, baby, it’s okay,” Luke told me in a consolatory tone. “It’s just the Marines. It’s not the end of the world.” I didn’t understand how he could be so casual. I was terrified.

  “Are you out of your friggin’ mind?!” I screeched. “We’re in the middle of a war, Lucas! You just signed up to go over to a war-ravaged county and potentially lose your life in the process. Please explain to me how that isn’t the end of the world?” If anything were to ever happen to Luke, it would be the end of my world. I had no doubt about that. It felt like someone had reached inside my chest and was squeezing my heart.

  Luke grabbed my shoulders and pulled me into his chest. I wrapped my arms around his waist and inhaled his familiar scent, letting it calm my frayed nerves. Luke had always done that for me. He’d always been my peaceful place when things got too rough. I couldn’t imagine what my life would be like with him not in it. I didn’t want to. “Baby girl, I know you’re mad right now, but this is something I just have to do,” he said as he ran his hand down the back of my head. I knew he needed my blessing to feel good about his decision, but this was the first time in my life I had trouble giving it to him. I wanted to be selfish and scream at him that he couldn’t do this… that I couldn’t support him. But I didn’t. I knew this meant a lot, and I wouldn’t take that away from him.

  “Why, Luke?” I needed to understand. I pulled my head away from his chest and looked up into his emerald green eyes. I could see the emotion running through them and knew exactly what he was feeling before he even said anything.

  Letting out a deep sigh, he responded, “I just do.” Dropping his arms from around me, he ran his hands through his black hair, sending it into a disarray that would have looked messy on anyone else, but always managed to look sexy on him. “I can’t stay here any longer. You just graduated and will be leaving for college soon. What’s left for me after you’re gone?” I knew my leaving was weighing on him, but I honestly had no clue that he was taking it that hard. Luke and I grew up living next to each other in a smaller town not too far from Houston. He and his parents moved in three houses away from me when he was six, and even though he was two years older than me, we’d instantly become friends and had been inseparable ever since.

  The two of us had been through more than any person our age should ever have to go through, and we both managed to get through it with the help of each other. It was my window he would climb through when he had to sneak out of his house at night to get away from his parents’ screams as they fought with each other. It was me who would bandage up his cuts and wipe away the blood when his dad drank too much and took his anger out on Luke. I hated his father with a passion and had no respect for his mother. She allowed Luke to be abused for all those years and did nothing to stop him.

  He was the shoulder I cried on for months when I lost both of my parents in a car accident when I was only thirteen. My parents were the complete opposite of Luke’s. For all the bad they did, my mother and father tried to counter with acts of kindness. They took Luke under their wing without question, just accepted him as my best friend. I adored them both whole heartedly and when they passed, I never got that piece of my heart back.

  Even though my grandmother moved into our house in order to raise me, it was Luke that I went to whenever I felt like life was a weight too heavy for me to carry on my own. I could always count on him to help lift my burdens.

  So while the idea of him not being a car ride or a phone call away felt like a knife in my gut, I understood. I knew that the only reason he hadn’t left his drunk of a mother was because I was still here, three houses away. Now that I was going to be four hours away attending college, I knew Luke viewed this as his chance to get out of our little town and finally make something of himself. That didn’t mean it didn’t hurt any less. His leaving was going to hurt almost as much as losing my parents. That’s how close we were. The consolation I had was that he’d at least come back to me.

  “I understand,” I finally conceded, even though I didn’t want to. “But I swear to God, Lucas Matthew Allen, if you get dead, I am so going to kick your ass.”

  His deep chuckle rumbled through me as he pulled me back into his strong arms for another hug. “No worries, Emerson Kristine Grace. I promise you, I won’t get dead.”

  “I’m gonna hold you to that, you know.” I smiled up at him for the first time since we started our conversation. Just looking into his eyes made me feel a little lighter—took away some of the anxiety I was feeling… but not all of it.

  “I’d expect nothing else, baby girl.”

  CHAPTER 1

  It had been a week since Luke dropped the bomb that he’d joined the Marines, and it was only a few days until he left to start basic training. I was counting down each hour and trying not to throw up at the thought of him getting hurt. I was with my friend Savannah trying to keep my mind off of all things Luke and military related, which was much harder than I thought it would be. I was supposed to be helping her pack up her closet and throw out all the junk she wouldn’t need to bring to our dorm room when we left for college. But instead, I found myself lying back with my head hanging off her bed, staring into space and getting a massive blood rush to my brain.

  “You know, if I’d known you were just going to lay on your fat ass and not help pack, I would’ve asked Jeremy to help me. At least he’s nicer to look at.” She stuck her tongue out at me and threw a balled-up pair of socks at my head.

  I laughed and threw them back at her, hitting her right between the eyes. “First of all,” I replied, sitting up to look at my friend, “my ass isn’t fat. It’s JLo-esque.” She let out a snort at my comment even though she knew I was right. I had an awesome booty. “Secondly, I am so much better looking than Jeremy.” Savannah and Jeremy had been an item since Freshman year of high school. To say their relationship was tumultuous was an understatement. The two of them fought more than anyone I’d ever met, but when things were good between them, it was like no one else in the world existed. Things were good at the moment, but that could change quicker than Savannah switched out shoes. And she had a lot of shoes.

  “This is true,” she said with a snicker. “But at least Jeremy puts out. You’re just a tease.”

  “Touché,” I replied, then fell back to her bed and stare up at her ceiling again. I was trying my hardest to pull myself out of the funk Luke’s leaving was creating, but it was just so damn hard.

  “Seriously, Emmy, get the hell up and help me pack, or I’m not gonna be your roommate.”

  I let out an annoyed groan as I dragged myself off her bed. “Fine. But I don’t want to hear you bitching if some of your shoes just happen to disappear. You don’t need this many pairs anyway.” I reached into Savannah’s closet, pulled out my favorite pair of black and white Chuck Taylors, and proceeded to stuff them into my purse. She just rolled her eyes at me and kept packing. I loved Savannah, and the two of us had been close since the second grade, but the chick had a serious shoe hoarding problem. Not that I was one to complain since I got to reap the benefits of her little obsession and all.

  “So when’s Luke heading out?” I could hear the concern in my friend’
s voice. She knew how difficult the thought of being away from Luke was for me. Savannah was my best girlfriend, and she completely understood the bond that Luke and I shared.

  “Day after tomorrow,” I mumbled. Just thinking about it depressed me and brought back that deep ache in my chest.

  “It’ll all work out, Emmy, you’ll see. What with modern technology and all, you guys will be able to communicate at the click of a button. It’s not like you’ll be using carrier pigeons or smoke signals.”

  I let out a laugh and threw a shoe at her head. “Smartass.” I appreciated her trying to cheer me up a little by being Suzy Brightside, and I tried to act the part, but I knew I wasn’t pulling it off as well as I’d hoped.

  “I know this is tough, but the two of you can email and write letters and Skype. Trust me. It’ll be like he’s right there.” She looked back at me with a genuine smile, making me feel slightly better. One of Savannah’s gifts was making a positive out of most situations. When she wasn’t able to do that, it always helped that she was funny as hell. You couldn’t help but laugh when you were around her.

  “You’re right. I know.”

  “And you’re going to see him tonight, huh?”

  “Yep. He’s taking me out for one last dinner before he heads out.” I was anxious about this dinner. Part of me was excited to be spending one of his last nights here with him, but it was also bittersweet. I looked down at my watch and saw it was a quarter to five. Luke was picking me up at six so I needed to start getting ready. “Speaking of… I should probably book it. Gotta get gussied up.” I blew her a kiss and waved my fingers at her.

  Savannah looked around her room at the mess we had made and threw her hands in the air. We had managed to pull the entire contents of her closet out onto her bedroom floor. Not a single thing was in a bag or a box. I really hadn’t succeeded in helping her at all.

  “Gotta go,” I said as I raced to her door.

  “I hate you, you know,” she yelled after me.

  “Love you too, Van!”

  ***

  Luke had taken me to the only nice restaurant in town. It was fancier than my grandmother’s diner but not too fancy that jeans and a nice shirt wouldn’t do. We spent the entire time talking and laughing. We reminisced about our childhood and our friends. It was one of the best nights I’d had with Luke, and as I lay in bed replaying the whole evening over and over, I couldn’t help but feel the weight of his impending departure resting on my chest. We’d just spent our last night together in who knows how long. I felt like such a horrible friend for having to fake my happiness for Luke when it came to his decision to leave. He’d always supported everything I did, and until now, I’d always supported him. I was a terrible friend and I felt so guilty.

  I rolled over onto my side and was starting to let the depression take over when I heard the sound of my window being lifted. When I glanced in the direction of the sound, I could easily make out the perfect outline of a body that I knew could only be Luke’s. I instantly tried to remember the last time Luke snuck through my window, but I couldn’t. It had been years.

  Luke’s father bailed on him and his mother soon after Luke turned sixteen, and even though his mother never stopped drinking, the physical abuse and Luke’s need to escape his home life left with his father. I’d missed those nights we spent together, but I was thankful that the person who made Luke’s life hell was gone.

  I held my breath as the covers were lifted and the bed shifted under Luke’s weight. I finally released it when I felt his arm slide around my waist and pull me into the solid wall of his chest. Chest to back, we laid there for what seemed like hours. Neither of us talking, just being. I knew that out of everything I was going to miss about Luke, his warmth would be what I missed the most. I lay silent and just let the tears flow, knowing they were inevitable. I’d managed to keep them at bay so far, but this was just too much.

  “Baby girl, please don’t cry,” Luke whispered into my hair, pulling me tighter to him.

  I sucked in a breath and tried to speak around the lump in my throat. “I – I’m sorry. I’m not trying to upset you, I swear.” I twisted in his arms so we were face-to-face. “I just didn’t think I’d be this sad,” I said, giving a weak smile, trying to make light of my tear-streaked face as I looked into those green eyes. He just stared back at me, not saying a word as he ghosted his fingers across my cheek and down my neck. He’d touched me a million times in the span of our friendship, but for some reason, this seemed different. There was an intimacy in this touch that I’d never felt from him before; it caused my heart to stall before starting again at a faster pace.

  I felt him take a deep breath as he tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear. “I know, Emmy.” He spoke so softly I could barely hear.

  “I feel like I’m losing a part of me, Luke. I’m going to miss you so much.”

  I felt his breath shudder as if he was trying to hold back his own tears. “I’m going to miss you too, baby girl. More than you know. But you aren’t losing me. You’ll never lose me. I promise.”

  That did it. His promise cracked something inside me, and there was no holding back from what I did next. My entire body was swamped with emotion that I had no chance of controlling. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I pulled Luke’s face closer to mine and pressed my lips to his. It definitely wasn’t my first kiss, but considering it was the first time with Luke, I felt fear and hope flutter deep down in my belly. I couldn’t lie and say I’d never pictured kissing Luke before, he was one of the hottest guys I knew. I just never had the guts to pursue something other than friendship. But with him leaving, I felt a desperation I’d never experienced. The risk of damaging our friendship disappeared. I felt that if I didn’t show him how I really felt at that very moment, I’d never get the chance again.

  I had to kiss him. I had to know what being with him was like. There was no telling how long it would be before I saw him again, and I knew I would hate myself if I didn’t at least try.

  Luke froze against my lips momentarily, but when I ran my tongue over his bottom lip, I felt his mouth open and return the kiss with more intensity than I had started with. I rolled onto my back and pulled his warm body on top of mine in a silent plea. Breaking the kiss, Luke looked down into my eyes cautiously, as if he was trying to get answers without asking the questions. Afraid of him pulling away, I wrapped my arms and legs around his strong body and held tight. “Please, Luke,” I whispered. The need I felt for him was so much greater than I ever experienced before.

  “Emmy, we can’t. You’ve never…” he started. It was clear he was struggling to do the right thing. I could see the war waging in his beautiful eyes, but I was determined. “Emmy, honey, you deserve so much better than me. Your first time should be with somebody you love.”

  I felt the words come up before I could do anything to stop them. “I do love you, Luke. I always have.” I’d never intended to say that, but once it was out there, it just felt right. I just knew this was supposed to happen. I wanted him more than I wanted my next breath.

  Luke’s entire body was like stone as he hovered above me. If I was going to get him to realize that we were meant for each other, I knew I had to jump. “Please, Luke. I need you.” I’d reached a point where I didn’t care if I sounded desperate. Everything I was saying was completely true. I needed him more than I’d ever needed anything. I craved him.

  Those were the last words either of us said to each other. We let touch say everything else that was left to say between us. As the sun was rising, my body was deliciously sore. Remembering how Luke treated my body, like the most precious thing he’d ever come into contact with, created a deep blush that spread all over my well-loved body. It was pure bliss. What I didn’t know then was that the happiness wouldn’t last. The next day Luke would tear my heart to shreds then disappear from my life for good, leaving nothing but pain and devastation in his wake. Unaware of the future, I fell asleep with a smile.

  CHAPTE
R 2

  PRESENT

  Spring 2013

  “Doll face, I said order up,” Lenny yelled from the pass-through between the kitchen and the front of the diner. It was the middle of the dinner rush and I’d already been working since six that morning. To say my patience was wearing thin was the understatement of the century. I was three seconds away from murdering my line cook.

  “Lenny, if you call me doll face one more time, I’m gonna plant my size seven so far up your ass you’ll be sucking my toes in reverse.” I could hear the diners snickering as I laid into him but I didn’t care. I’d run all out of ‘professional’ sometime around lunch. My body was now running on copious amounts of caffeine and pure bitch. Not a combination you wanted to mess with.

  “Sounds kinky,” I heard Savannah say as she breezed through the door of my diner and parked her butt on a barstool like she owned the place. “I gotta see you pull that one off, Emmy.”

  I snapped my dish towel at her as I grabbed the order from Lenny’s window and shoved it at her. “Make yourself useful, Van. Help me wait some of these tables.”

  She stared down at her manicured fingers like the idea of waitressing offended her. “Don’t you have staff for that kinda thing?”

  “I do,” I responded shortly, about to turn my wrath from Lenny on to her. I was already at the end of my rapidly-fraying rope. “But Tiffany called in sick. Half of my wait staff are out with the flu and I’m in the middle of dinner rush. So, please, be a good friend and wait some damn tables!” The last part of that sentence didn’t come out as a request at all, and she knew it. Savannah was amazing at reading my moods. She might poke the bear a time or two just for fun, but she knew not to mess with me when I was in bitch mode.

  “All right, all right. Don’t get your panties in a twist, darlin’, I’ll help. But I’m not waiting on Old Lady Murphy. She’s a shyster and I expect good tips if I’m gonna be doing manual labor.” She might occasionally annoy the ever-living crap out of me, but I could always count on Savannah when I needed her.