Shrinking Violet (a Colors novel) Read online

  Copyright © 2015 by Jessica Prince

  All rights reserved.

  Visit my website at www.authorjessicaprince.com

  Cover Designer: http://quirky-bird.com

  Editing: www.hottreeediting.com/

  Interior Designer: Jovana Shirley, Unforeseen Editing, www.unforeseenediting.com

  No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without the written permission of the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

  This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

  OTHER BOOKS BY JESSICA

  THE PICKING UP THE PIECES SERIES:

  Picking up the Pieces

  Rising from the Ashes

  Pushing the Boundaries

  Worth the Wait

  THE COLORS NOVELS:

  Scattered Colors

  Shrinking Violet

  Love Hate Relationship (Coming October 2015)

  DEADLY LOVE TRILOGY:

  Destructive

  Addictive

  Obsessive (Coming Soon)

  OTHER TITLES:

  Nightmares from Within

  Prologue

  One

  Two

  Three

  Four

  Five

  Six

  Seven

  Eight

  Nine

  Ten

  Eleven

  Twelve

  Thirteen

  Fourteen

  Fifteen

  Sixteen

  Seventeen

  Eighteen

  Nineteen

  Twenty

  Twenty-One

  Twenty-Two

  Twenty-Three

  Twenty-Four

  Twenty-Five

  Twenty-Six

  Twenty-Seven

  Twenty-Eight

  Twenty-Nine

  Thirty

  Thirty-One

  Epilogue

  Acknowledgments

  Find Jessica At

  Other Colors Novels

  To my family.

  Every day, I count my blessings that I have each and

  every one of you in my life.

  How has this become my life?

  The heat from the sweltering Texas sun beat down on my skin, making it tight and itchy as a fine sheen of sweat beaded across my forehead. The humidity in the air was so thick, I was afraid I was going to choke on it. Everything about the air outside the crowded airport was stifling.

  Holding my hand over my eyes to shield them from the relentless rays, I scanned the cars around me, hoping it wouldn’t take long to spot Aunt Milly and Uncle Kal. The heat was bad enough, but standing outside when the temperature was over a hundred degrees while pregnant was just plain cruel. After shuffling around for another ten minutes, with no sight of my aunt or uncle, I decided using my suitcase as a seat was the best option.

  Folding my hands over my stomach, I stared down as sadness began to take over once again. I wasn’t even showing, yet my entire world had already been turned upside-down by the tiny life growing inside of me.

  “I’m sorry,” I whispered to my baby, wondering if it was even possible for him or her to hear me, let alone understand. “This is all my fault.” I sniffled as tears began to make tracks down my cheeks. I tried my hardest to put strength in my next words. “But I swear I’m going to be better. I promise you, I’ll be better.”

  And I would.

  No matter what it took, I was determined to shed the skin of my former life—a life where I carelessly played with other people’s emotions for my own satisfaction—and be the kind of mother my child deserved. The kind of mother I never had. I would never subject my child to the cold, callous person I used to be. I’d make sure my baby felt loved every second of every day for as long as I had breath in my body.

  I was a horrible person. I did unspeakable things. I wasn’t worthy of forgiveness. But for the life growing inside of me, I’d give unconditional, unending love in the hopes of finally, finally getting it in return.

  “Cass? Cassidy!” The sound of my aunt’s voice pulled me from my self-loathing. I briskly wiped at the tears on my face, but it was too late. Aunt Milly spotted them before I had a chance to hide my sorrow behind a fake smile.

  “Oh, sweetie,” she cooed as she pulled me into her arms. “It’s okay,” she whispered with a motherly affection I was so unused to. “It’s all gonna be okay, baby girl. You hear me?”

  For what felt like the millionth time in my life, I questioned how someone as uncaring and heartless as my mother ever came out of the same womb as the soft, gentle woman who engulfed me in such a loving embrace.

  At her show of affection, the floodgates burst and I buried my face in her neck, sobbing uncontrollably. “Aunt Milly,” I cried. “I screwed up. I’m a horrible person.”

  Her soft hand ran through my hair as she pulled back to look at me. “Hush now, child. You’re not a horrible person—”

  “But I am!” I interrupted loudly. “How can you say that? The things I’ve done…I hurt people!”

  “And you’ll learn from those mistakes,” she insisted adamantly. “You’re only human, sweetheart. We make mistakes. It’s how you learn from those mistakes and carry yourself in the future that determine your true character.”

  “The things I’ve done…” I choked out. “They’re unforgiveable, Aunt Milly.”

  “Everyone is worthy of forgiveness, Cassidy,” she said as she brushed a finger along my cheek. “Even you.”

  I wanted to believe her. As I stared into her honest blue eyes, I wanted so badly to believe I was redeemable. But how could I ever ask everyone I’d wronged to forgive me when I wasn’t sure I’d ever be able to forgive myself?

  I was cutting it close.

  I was due to start my new job in thirty minutes and the drive alone would take twenty of those. That was if I didn’t get my ass lost on the way there.

  “Stupid fucking alarm,” I muttered under my breath as I snatched a t-shirt off the floor and held it to my face. Smelled clean enough. That worked for me. I tugged it over my head as I made my way out of the bedroom toward the kitchen. My mind focused on one thing and one thing only—caffeine.

  My brain hardly functioned first thing in the morning on a good day. Considering I was going on less than three hours’ sleep, I’d be lucky if I made it to work without falling asleep behind the wheel.

  “Where are you going?”

  I glanced over my shoulder as I reached into the cabinet for a travel mug and began filling it up. Navie sat perched on one of the barstools with a bowl of cereal in front of her.

  “Work,” I grumbled before taking my first fortifying sip.

  Her blonde brows dipped low in disapproval as her tiny nose scrunched up. “But it’s Saturday. And you worked at Miller’s until closing last night!”

  Navie didn’t need to remind me. The exhaustion that was dragging my body down was reminder enough that I’d pulled three double shifts the past week. Miller’s had four bartenders on staff and, miraculously, everyone but me had managed to come down with the flu or some shit. I was used to the long, tiring hours, but it hadn’t helped that after my shift, I’d taken the stacked redhead that had been hitting on me all night up on her offer for a little after-work fun.

  I spent two hours at her place before finally being able to sneak out a little after four in the morning.
>
  “You know, if you didn’t go home with every slutty barfly who batted her lashes at you, you might not be so exhausted this morning.” Navie curled her upper lip in disgust. I’d worked hard to keep my bedroom antics from her, but she was a smart girl; she knew exactly what was happening between the time I got off work and arrived home. After every one-night stand, I told myself it would be my last…that I wouldn’t go home with another nameless, faceless girl. But by the end of the night, I always found myself wrapped up in another woman’s body. The need to feel close to someone, to feel acceptance was almost addicting, and I craved that from those women like a junkie.

  Even though I woke up the next morning feeling sick for what I’d done, I couldn’t bring myself to stop. When you lived a life without a single solitary moment of love, you jumped at the chance for affection, no matter how temporary.

  “You don’t have to stick your dick in every girl who propositions you, Carson. It’s kind of disgusting the number of notches in your bed post.”

  I sipped the steaming hot liquid before speaking over the rim of my coffee cup. “You worry about yourself and I’ll take care of me.”

  Navie rolled her deep blue eyes. “I don’t know why you’re doing this,” she chided. “You make more than enough money at the bar. There’s no need for you to pick up a second job. You’re working yourself into an early grave.”

  I took another drink, using the cup to mask my frustrated sigh. We’d been having the same conversation for months. Ever since Navie was accepted to NYU, her dream college.

  “You don’t have to do this, Carson. I’ve told you, I can take care of myself. You already do too much as it is. I’m not your responsibility.”

  Like hell she wasn’t. That girl became my responsibility—my family—the day she walked into the Harper’s house, those big blue eyes wide with fear and brimming with tears. If you only learned one thing growing up in the foster system, it was that blood didn’t matter for shit. A true family were the people you chose to love, who chose to love you back. Simply because they wanted to, not out of obligation.

  “Keep telling yourself that all you want, little bit.” I grinned as her lip curled in animosity at my nickname for her. “You’re family, and family looks after each other.”

  “You’re already letting me stay here, Carson.” She waved her hand around the tiny, two-bedroom apartment. “That’s enough. You don’t need to work a second job.” She crossed her arms over her chest, trying her best to look intimidating. “I’m more than capable of getting a job myself, you know?”

  “We’ve already talked about this,” I spoke as I pocketed my cellphone and scooped my keys off the counter. “You’re living here because I want you here—”

  “No,” she interrupted. “I’m living here because I aged out and came home from school to find all my stuff packed and waiting for me on the front porch. You felt obligated.”

  My blood ran hot at the memory of that day. Navie’s scared, broken voice coming through the phone line as she cried uncontrollably. If Navie hadn’t needed me, I’d have gladly risked jail and beat the shit out of the Woodleys for putting her out the way they did.

  “Bullshit, Navie, you know better than that. You aren’t an obligation to me. How many times do I have to tell you that?”

  “Then let me work!” she insisted. “Let me pull my weight, Carson.”

  “No,” I replied adamantly. “You’ve only got a few months left before you graduate, then you’re going to New York and getting your ass as far away from here as you possibly can. You focus on school and keeping your grades up, and I’ll focus on getting the money you need to start the life you deserve.”

  Those big blue eyes of hers welled up with tears, reminding me so much of the scared little girl I met that day seven years before, and my heart sputtered in my chest.

  Her gaze dropped to her lap just as her tears broke free. “I’m scared, Carson,” she whispered before sniffling, using the back of her hand to wipe her cheeks. “I don’t want to leave you. You’re all I’ve got. I can’t lose you.”

  Fuck being late, I thought as I stepped up to her and wrapped her tiny frame in my arms. The feel of her body shaking against mine as she tried to control her tears was like a knife straight to the heart. There wasn’t anything I wouldn’t do for her, and hearing her cry gutted me.

  “You aren’t gonna lose me,” I responded fiercely. “You hear me? You are never ever going to lose me. You’re gonna go to New York and get yourself a fancy degree and do something amazing with your life. And I’ll have your back every single step of the way. Even if it’s from here. Got that?”

  Navie sniffled a few times before finally getting control of her tears and gave me a nod. I tucked my finger under her chin and lifted her face to mine so she could see the sincerity in my eyes. Her smile started off weak before finally growing into the beautiful dimpled one I’d come to love.

  “Got it,” she said softly before inhaling deeply and shaking off her sorrow. That was just one of the many reasons I adored her. Her resilience. “I can’t believe you’re going to be a ranch hand. Next thing I know, you’ll be wearing a cowboy hat and spitting tobacco.”

  I shrugged casually as I took a step back. “What kind of Texan would I be if I didn’t embrace the cliché completely?” I joked as I walked backwards toward the front door. “Gotta go, little bit. I’ll see you tonight.”

  “See ya.” She grinned. Just as I turned and grabbed hold of the knob, she called my name. Her bright smile practically shined as I looked back over my shoulder. “You’re the best brother I never had.”

  My lips curled up at the familiar endearment we’d made up years ago. “And you’re the best sister I never had.”

  Pulling my beat-up truck to a stop, I threw it into park and stared out the windshield, almost in awe of the beauty spread out before me. The sprawling landscape definitely hadn’t been what I had in mind when I pictured Willow Ranch. I’d been lucky enough to hear about their need for another ranch hand from one of their guys who liked to come into Miller’s for a drink every now and then. Never one to shy away from hard work, I threw my name in the hat before even hearing about the pay, thinking that every extra penny counted when it came to getting Navie to her dream school. For as long as I’d known her, she’d always fantasized of escaping Grovepoint, our little ranching community just outside of Dallas, for the city. She’d seen pictures of New York City when she was a little girl and had become instantly enamored.

  As luck would have it, the pay was pretty damn decent, if I did say so myself.

  Fields spread out before me as far as my eyes could see. Cattle grazed behind fences. A weathered barn sat further back from a large two-story house covered in white clapboard siding. Everything about the house, from the massive wraparound porch to the blue shutters, screamed country living. It looked homey…inviting. Definitely something I wasn’t used to.

  A bright pop of color from the corner of my eyes pulled my attention away from the house. My breath hitched in my throat at the gorgeous girl walking past my truck toward the opposite side of the house.

  Jesus Christ, she was beautiful. The vibrant purple color of her tank top might have been what originally caught my attention, but it was the combination of long, tanned legs and golden blonde hair dancing in the breeze that had my eyes dragging up her curvaceous frame. I was mesmerized by the woman walking right past my truck, her eyes downcast as each step took her away from me. She walked as though she was trying to remain hidden from the world—slumped shoulders, bowed head—but that didn’t detract from her beauty. She looked like a stunning shrinking violet.

  Look up.

  It was irrational, but something inside me was desperate to see her eyes in that very moment.

  Look up, look up, look up.

  A loud knock on my driver-side window startled me from my undoubtedly creepy leering.

  “Jesus Christ!” I shouted, my heart pounding in my chest as I turned to the woman standin
g just outside my door.

  “Sorry. Didn’t mean to startle ya.” From the crinkles around her eyes and the knowing grin that spread across her face, she was more amused than remorseful. I flipped the key in the ignition, pushed my door open and stepped out. “Figured you must have been lost, sitting in here so long.” She chuckled as she crossed her arms over her chest and narrowed her gaze. Yeah, I’d been busted checking that woman out, no doubt about it.

  I extended my arm, offering my hand in respect. The petite woman who stood in front of me couldn’t have been more than five feet tall, but there was no denying she exuded an air of authority. “Not lost, ma’am. I’m Carson Langford, the new ranch hand.”

  “Well, it’s a pleasure, Carson Langford. I’m Millicent Sheffield, but everyone just calls me Milly.” Her handshake was firm, not like most women who tried that dainty, dead fish thing. I appreciated the strength she put into it. Since I was really paying attention at that point, I noticed Milly couldn’t have been more than an inch or two taller than Navie. Her blonde hair was streaked through with just a hint of gray, and her shiny blue eyes held a shrewdness to them which told me there wasn’t much she missed. Years in the foster system had ingrained in me the ability to read people pretty decently. I had a sense that Milly was a likable lady…as long as she wasn’t crossed.

  “Nice to meet you, Milly.”

  “Welcome to Willow Ranch,” she stated, her eyes darting over my shoulder just as a keen smile crossed her lips. “I’ve got a feeling you’re gonna like it here.”

  I opened my mouth but my words fell short just as a sweet, seductive voice spoke up from behind me.

  “Mill, have you seen Bug?”

  “Well, hey there, baby girl,” Milly spoke just as I spun around to see the blonde I’d been admiring minutes before walking up to us. Good Lord, if I thought she was a looker before, it was nothing compared to seeing her up-close and personal.

  My brain kicked in just as it had back in the truck. Look at me.

  “Cassidy, meet Carson Langford, our new ranch hand. Carson, this is my niece, Cassidy Ashworth.”