Rising from the Ashes Read online

  We’d never had a conversation that lasted longer than it took us both to say good morning or good night. Feeling out of sorts from the change in our usual interaction, I turned back to my desk and started packing my stuff up for the evening. I needed to find something to do other than stare at him with my mouth hanging open. And there was a strong possibility that I might have drooled—just a little bit.

  “I have to attend an engagement party for a couple of friends tonight. You?” I felt like a total dillhole sitting there, making small talk with one of the firm’s attorneys while picturing him naked. Man, I was really off my game.

  “No big plans,” he responded.

  He rubbed his palms on his pant legs, and if I didn’t know better, I would have thought he was slightly uncomfortable. But it didn’t make sense for him to be uncomfortable around me. I was just a lowly old paralegal. He didn’t have any reason to be uncomfortable.

  “I was thinking about checking out all that Cloverleaf has to offer. I haven’t really had time to do much more than work since I got here.”

  I slung my purse over my arm and took a step toward him. “Well, I’d give you a tour, but this is Cloverleaf. Everything worth seeing is basically in a four block radius. You can stand in the middle of Main Street and turn in a circle to see it all.”

  He gave me an awkward smile, and it finally dawned on me what he was doing. I felt like a complete moron for not catching on. Ben had only been in town for a few weeks. Having come from Austin, he didn’t have any family in Cloverleaf, and with the hours he had been putting in, I couldn’t imagine him really having much time to make any friends. The poor guy had to be lonely. I felt horrible for not noticing sooner.

  “Hey, if you get a chance, you should stop by Colt’s for a drink or two.”

  “Oh, I don’t want to crash your friends’ engagement party.”

  I could tell by the way his eyes widened slightly that the idea of coming for a drink appealed to him, but he was still unsure.

  “It’s not like that, Ben. We didn’t buy out the bar or anything. It’s just a group of friends having a drink at our local hangout to congratulate the couple on their engagement. It’ll be really laid back, I promise.”

  He finally loosened up a little bit, and his smile became more genuine. “I might take you up on that,” he said. “Colt’s?”

  I forgot that he wouldn’t know our bar as Colt’s since he wasn’t a local. “Sorry, Colt 45’s on Walker. You can’t miss it. It’s one of the only decent bars in town.”

  “All right, I might just do that.”

  His eyes scanned me up and down again. How he managed to do that without coming off as perverted was beyond me. The dude had mad skill.

  “Well, I hope to see you there, Ben. Have a good evening.” He side stepped, allowing me to pass by, before following me out of my office. I pulled the door closed and headed to the elevator.

  I was nowhere near being over Jeremy, but he’d moved on, and it was time I did too. I didn’t plan on moving on with a coworker. That would be way too messy. But at least I was opening myself up to the idea.

  By the time I walked into Colt’s, the party was in full swing.

  “Savvy!” was yelled by my friends from different directions of the bar.

  I made my way to the happy couple and gave them both hugs and congratulations before pushing my way to the bar for a tequila shot and beer chaser. I already knew it was going to be a hard liquor kind of night.

  Emmy pushed up next to me and wrapped an arm around my waist. “Almost thought you weren’t gonna make it, Savvy.”

  I hugged her back and let out an exhausted sigh. “I got held up at work.”

  She gave me a concerned look and asked, “You doing okay?”

  It was a standard question she had started asking when Charlotte and Jeremy got together. I was getting so tired of hearing it, but I knew she couldn’t help but be concerned.

  I downed my shot and smiled up at her. “I’m good now,” I replied. Being five-three and having a best friend who was five-seven could be a little challenging on my neck at times, but I wouldn’t pick a different BFF for all the money in the world. I grabbed my beer and spun around, holding it in the air. “To the happy couple!” I shouted.

  “To the happy couple!” everyone repeated.

  If I’d learned anything in the past few months, it was that in order to get the spotlight off of myself, I needed to direct it onto someone else. Since it was Gavin and Stacia’s night, who better to point it at than them?

  Emmy gave me a look that told me she knew what I was doing, but she let it go anyway. We both knew it wasn’t the time or the place to discuss anything the slightest bit upsetting. Two of our best friends were getting married, and I was going to be my normal, smart-ass, perky self if it killed me.

  Stacia stumbled over to the bar where Lizzy had just joined Emmy and me.

  “I’m getting married, bitches!” she hollered as she threw her arms in the air, spilling her drink on the floor in the process.

  Clearly, Stacia was taking this as her opportunity to get completely annihilated.

  “Hey, drunky. How ya doin’?” I asked.

  She wrapped her arms around my neck and squeezed me so tight that I thought my bones were going to start cracking. She started petting my hair and rubbing my cheeks. “I lub you so mush, Savvy,” she slurred. “You’re gonna be a brisemain.”

  “I’m gonna be a what?” I asked with a laugh, not able to understand a damn drunk word coming out of her mouth.

  “A brisemain…a birdman…damn it! A bridesmaid!” She finally got the word out on the third try, but she had to drag it out several syllables longer than she needed to.

  I did a little hop and wrapped my arms around her as well. “Ah, yay! I’d love to be a bridesmaid!”

  “Yay!” she shouted back about five times louder than was necessary, even for the crowded bar.

  Everyone turned to look at our exchange before laughing at Stacia’s drunken happy dance. Out of the corner of my eye, I caught a glimpse of Charlotte scowling at me. Of course she managed to do it when everyone had turned their attention elsewhere. I decided not to let her ruin my night, and I turned away from her.

  “So, who all is in the wedding?” I asked Emmy and Lizzy.

  Since there was no way Stacia could form a sentence to answer me, Emmy did. “Well, it’s me, you, Lizzy, and Stacia’s cousin Mickey on her side, and Luke, Brett, Jeremy, and Trevor on Gavin’s.”

  I smiled at the thought of all my closest friends standing together for Gavin and Stacia’s big day. When I looked back over at Charlotte, she was standing slightly behind everyone else, pouting. The only reason I could figure for her sulking was that she was mad she hadn’t been included in the wedding party.

  Well, too bad, bitch. These are my friends.

  It might have been childish, but I couldn’t help from thinking that way when it came to her. She was already trying to take Jeremy away. I wasn’t going to allow her to take any other friends from me.

  Jealousy wasn’t an emotion I was familiar with, and I couldn’t stand what it was turning me into. I hated the uneasy, anxious feeling that boiled inside of me every time I was around Charlotte. That mixed with the hatred I was carrying around made me feel like I was going crazy most of the time. I’d only felt this miserable once in my life, and I liked it as much now as I had back then.

  I looked at Gavin as he stared at his fiancée with a goofy, love-struck smile on his face, and I did my best to soak up some of his happiness.

  “I’m so happy for you both, Gavin,” I said after he made his way to the bar to stand next to me. I couldn’t stop all the mushy feelings coursing through me as I stared into his eyes. There was just so much happiness there. I wrapped him in another hug.

  “Thanks, Savvy. I’m just glad all of you are gonna be a part of our big day.”

  “Me too.”

  “Shots!” Stacia hollered from the bar a few feet away.
/>   Gavin pulled from my embrace to go stop her from potential alcohol poisoning.

  As the night wore on, more drinks were consumed, and everyone was in a celebratory mood—well, everyone except for me. I was mad at myself for not being able to fully enjoy my friends’ happiness. I always prided myself on being a hundred percent supportive at all times, but I couldn’t, and that just wasn’t like me at all.

  I was sitting at the bar, watching Luke and Emmy dancing to a slow song, when the bar stool next to me was pulled out. I didn’t have to look over to know who was sitting next to me. He affected me so greatly, and I was so in tune with everything about him that I always knew where he was in a room without having to look. I could sense him.

  “I feel like I haven’t talked to you all night,” Jeremy said as he leaned forward and propped both elbows on the bar. I quickly diverted my eyes from the sight of his biceps straining against the fabric of his shirt before I started to drool into my drink. He waved to the bartender with his empty beer bottle, indicating he wanted another.

  “That’s because you haven’t,” I responded, instantly regretting the snarky tone of my voice.

  Jeremy hadn’t done anything other than start a relationship with another woman. I had no right to be mad at him, but the resentment was still there, churning in my gut. I felt like I’d been placed on a back burner when it came to him. We might not be a couple, but we were still supposed to be friends. I thought I was more important than that.

  He let out an exhausted sigh and scrubbed his hands over his face. “I know, Savannah, and I’m sorry. It seems like we haven’t really talked in a while, doesn’t it?”

  The tone of his voice echoed exactly how I felt, and I gave him a small, sad smile.

  “Yeah, things have been kinda strained, haven’t they?”

  It was weird, but I needed him to confirm that he was feeling the same way I was. It helped to know that he wasn’t ignorant to the fact that our relationship had changed, and it was comforting to know that he wasn’t okay with it either.

  “They really have…and I hate it.”

  I felt a sense of relief come over me. I let out a sigh and gave him a real smile. “Me too,” I whispered.

  He opened his mouth to respond, but a deep voice cut him off. “Savannah?”

  I turned around to see Ben standing directly behind me. He’d removed his suit jacket and tie, and he was only in his dress shirt and slacks. The top two buttons of his shirt were undone, and the sleeves were folded almost to his elbows, showing off his thick, corded forearms.

  I’d never seen him so casual before. It brought out just how handsome he really was. His face was sporting a little bit of scruff from not having shaved since the morning, and while he still looked GQ, it added a ruggedness to his appearance.

  “Ben…hi.” I turned to see Jeremy furrow his brows as he took Ben in from the top of his well-styled hair to the bottom of his expensive-as-hell dress shoes.

  “I’m not too late, am I?” Ben asked, looking concerned. “Are you about to leave?”

  I tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear and struggled to pull my eyes off of Jeremy and concentrate on Ben standing in front of me. I wanted to continue our conversation, but I also didn’t want to be rude to Ben. After all, he was new in town and didn’t know anyone.

  “Oh no, I’m not leaving yet.” I turned back to Jeremy and started introductions. “Jeremy, this is Benjamin Bennett. He’s an attorney at P&C.” I turned back to Ben. “Ben, this is one of my best friends, Jeremy Matthews.”

  Ben reached out and shot Jeremy a friendly smile. “It’s nice to meet you.”

  Still looking a little skeptical, Jeremy shook Ben’s hand. “Yeah,” Jeremy replied sullenly. “You new to P&C or something? I’ve never heard Savvy talk about you.”

  It shocked me to hear something so snarky come out of Jeremy’s mouth. I swung back around, wide-eyed. Jeremy was one of the nicest, most even-tempered men I’d ever met. By his standards, hearing him say that to Ben was beyond rude.

  Ben removed his hand and uncomfortably ran it through his hair. He obviously caught on to the vibe Jeremy was throwing out. “Uh…yeah, I just started a few weeks ago.”

  Before Jeremy had a chance to say anything in return, Charlotte came sauntering up and glued herself to Jeremy’s side. He instinctively threw his arm over her shoulder, and the relief I’d felt earlier deteriorated.

  “Jeremy, I’m ready to go,” Charlotte whined. “I have a headache.”

  “Oh, okay.” It seemed like Jeremy wasn’t thrilled with the idea of leaving, but he decided not to put up much of a fight.

  That just disappointed me even more.

  Charlotte turned away from Jeremy and finally noticed Ben standing next to me. Being the polite gentleman he was, he extended his hand to Charlotte, and I had to refrain from snatching it back.

  “Hi, I’m Ben.”

  She pasted on a fake ass, sugar sweet smile as she shook his hand. “Charlotte Burton. I’m Jeremy’s girlfriend,” she replied, looking up at Jeremy and batting her lashes before turning back to Ben. “It’s so nice to meet you.”

  I wanted to hurl. What? Did she not have her own identity?

  She turned back to Jer and poked her bottom lip out. “Can we go now, honeybunch?”

  Honeybunch? Are you fucking kidding me? I think I just threw up a little.

  Jeremy looked at me and then back to her. “Yeah, baby, let’s go.” He gave me an uncomfortable hug and inclined his head to Ben. “Nice meeting you, man. Y’all have a good night.”

  Before I could respond, Charlotte pulled Jeremy away and out the door.

  Who the hell was that mega douche grinning at Savannah like a moron? I’d never even heard her mention the guy’s name before, and he just came strutting up like he’s known her forever. What the hell? And who wears a suit to Colt’s, for Christ’s sake? The dude stood out like a sore thumb.

  I was pulled out of my thoughts when Charlotte spoke from the passenger seat.

  “So, was that Savannah’s boyfriend or something?”

  Just the thought of that idiot dating Savannah had me grinding my teeth. Thank God it was dark in the cab of my truck so Charlotte couldn’t see my reaction. I’d be in for hours of talking about the problems in our relationship—meaning Charlotte’s dislike of my ex-girlfriend. There would be no way for me to live that down.

  I didn’t understand why Savannah was Charlotte’s least favorite person, and that just made things all the more difficult for me. She tended to get jealous of my relationship with Savannah. Charlotte also didn’t like how tight-knit our group was. She’d complain that she felt like an outsider, and no matter how hard I’d tried to convince her that everyone liked her, it just never seemed to be enough.

  I enjoyed spending time with Charlotte, and honestly, the sex was out of this world. But her jealousy was starting to grate on my last nerve. The only reason things had lasted this long was because I’d finally admitted that I needed to move on from Savannah.

  I didn’t see anything long term with Charlotte, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t enjoy the company while it lasted. I just wasn’t planning on tying myself to the very first person I’d started dating since Savannah and I broke up. I was still young, and if I couldn’t have the person I really wanted, there was nothing wrong with wanting to enjoy what I’d been missing out on all these years…was there?

  I tried to make my voice as casual as possible before answering. “I don’t think so. I’m sure I would have heard something if she had a boyfriend.”

  “Oh, that’s right,” she replied.

  I didn’t need to see her face to know she was pissed. Her words were practically dripping with sarcasm.

  “I forgot that you’re all BFFs and tell each other everything.”

  I rolled my eyes in the darkness of the truck. “Charlotte, I’ve told you a thousand times that everyone likes you just fine. You feeling like an outsider is all in your head.”

  I
could see her profile from the lights in the dash, and she was sporting one of her signature poses—arms crossed over her chest and an unattractive pout on her lips.

  “Yeah, well, Savannah doesn’t like me,” she whined.

  The need to defend Savannah hit me like a Mack truck. “And whose fault is that?” I asked in a condescending tone. “Maybe if you weren’t so damn rude every time she was around, the two of you could actually be friends. She really is a good person, Charlotte. You’d know that if you actually made an effort to get to know her.”

  Charlotte let out a huff and started hopping around in the seat next to me before shoving her finger in my face. “I knew it! I knew you still had feelings for her!”

  I could feel the headache building behind my eyes. I took one hand off the wheel and started to rub the bridge of my nose. “I don’t have feelings for her, Charlotte. Our relationship ended a long time ago. We are just friends.” I wasn’t sure how truthful that statement was though.

  A part of me would probably always have feelings for Savannah. She was the first girl I’d ever been in a relationship with and the only one I’d ever loved. She would always be special to me.

  “So, you’re just automatically taking her side?”

  Jesus Christ! I’m talking just to hear myself talk. “Damn, woman! There are no sides. She’s my friend, and you’re my girlfriend. That’s all there is to it.”

  We sat in silence for several seconds, and my headache started to recede slightly. Finally, I felt the bench seat shift as Charlotte scooted toward me, and then she started to rub her hand up and down my thigh.

  “I’m sorry, baby,” she cooed in my ear before licking the shell of it and slowly kissing down my neck. “I hate being jealous, but I just can’t help it.” Her hand went straight to the crotch of my pants, and she began massaging my dick through my jeans.

  I had to hand it to her. There were times when she was almost too much for me to handle, and I thought about just throwing in the towel. But damn, did she know how to use her hands and mouth. It was almost as if she were made for sex.