Shrinking Violet (a Colors novel) Read online

  Her head remained somewhat lowered as she peeked up at me through long lashes, but the effect still hit me like a ton of bricks. Blue eyes. No, that wasn’t right. Radiant blue eyes stared back at me, and for a moment I forgot how to breathe.

  It was unlike anything I’d ever experienced before. Never in my life had I been so instantaneously drawn to a person I’d just met. My connection with Navie had stemmed from the need to protect someone innocent and weaker than me. What I was feeling right in that moment was totally different, almost…primal.

  “Nice to meet you, Carson,” she spoke softly, reaching out to shake my hand.

  “Oh, the pleasure’s all mine, Cassidy. Believe me.”

  Her cheeks tinged the most adorable pink as she looked away quickly, and I couldn’t help but feel triumphant at her reaction. Slowly, to my disappointment, she pulled her soft palm from mine, but I didn’t miss how she clasped her hands in front of her, rubbing her delicate fingers over the skin I had just touched.

  “Do you know where Bug is?” she asked her aunt, turning away from me.

  “Where do you think?” Milly responded with a small laugh. “She’s in the barn with Kal.”

  Cassidy released a groan and rolled her eyes. “Not again. I’ve told him, not around the horses!” she huffed in irritation.

  At a complete loss as to what the two of them were talking about, I chose to stand there and soak up as much of Cassidy as I could before she became aware of my staring.

  “Well, I was just about to take Carson out there to meet Kal. Why don’t you show him the way?”

  Her brows furrowed, creating a cute little wrinkle right between her eyes. “Uh, sure.” Her response was hesitant, but that didn’t stop the mental fist pump at the thought of getting a little one-on-one time with the girl who had me strangely enamored.

  “Follow me.”

  “Gladly.” I hadn’t realized I’d spoken out loud until I heard a giggle from Milly and saw Cassidy flush red once again.

  It took me four steps to catch up with her quick pace toward the old barn. Once I was walking alongside her, I racked my brain for something to say. I needed a way to get her to look at me again.

  “So, who’s Bug?” I finally asked. As we stepped into the darkness of the barn, I was hit with the smells of hay and everything else you’d come to expect from horses.

  Finally, she looked back toward me and my chest tightened. “Huh?” She looked confused, like she hadn’t heard my question.

  “You were asking Milly about someone named Bug? Is that a woman who works here?”

  “Oh, um, no. She’s my…”

  Her answer was cut short by a high-pitched shriek coming from further in the barn.

  “Mommy!”

  I stood stunned as a little girl came barreling toward Cassidy before plowing into her legs and wrapping her little arms around her.

  “Mommy, Unca Kal said I can have a horsey! Can I, can I, can I? Pleeeeeeeease!”

  Cassidy reached down, scooped the little girl up and propped her on her hip. “We’ll talk about it later, Doodle Bug,” she answered as she shot a glare toward a man walking toward us. Good Christ! The dude was a giant!

  “But, Moooooom!” The little girl whined on her hip.

  “Later,” Cassidy said in a warning tone.

  Obviously, the little girl had the attention span of a flea because just as soon as she turned and saw me, the horse was long forgotten.

  “Mommy,” she whispered loudly. “Who’s dat?”

  “That’s Carson, Doodle Bug. He’s gonna be working at the ranch. Why don’t you say hi?”

  The little girl—was her name seriously Doodle Bug?—began squirming on Cassidy’s hip to be let down. “Hiya,” she said once she stood in front of me.

  Kids weren’t typically something I was used to dealing with, so I was a little thrown as to how to act around the mini-spitting image of Cassidy.

  “Uh, hi. I’m Carson. It’s nice to meet you.”

  “I’m Willow. Niceta meechu too.” I didn’t understand anything she’d just said.

  “This is Willow,” Cassidy deciphered, brushing her hands through the child’s unruly blonde hair. “My daughter. But we all call her Doodle Bug, or Bug for short.”

  Her daughter? Holy hell! No way did Cassidy look nearly old enough to have a daughter. Especially one who looked to be three or four years old.

  “You’s tall,” Willow told me. “But not as tall as Unca Kal.”

  “What’s an unca kal?” I asked.

  “That’d be me,” the big, burly guy answered. He rocked back on the heels of his dusty old work boots. Judging from the silver around his temples and smattered through the rest of his dark brown hair, I put the guy in his mid- to late-fifties. He had to have been at least six-foot-five, standing an inch or two taller than me, and judging by the bulk of muscle he carried on his frame, hard ranch work was most definitely in his blood. Not a man I’d want to run into in a dark alley at night, that was for damn sure.

  I offered my hand to the beast of a dude standing in front of me. The man’s gigantic hand shot out and wrapped around mine, squeezing a little tighter than necessary. Refusing to wince at his bone-crushing hold, I kept my gaze trained on his. The glint in his dark brown eyes let me know he was sizing me up, seeing if I was worth my salt. I was up for the challenge. I’d been in enough foster homes to know when I should be rightfully intimidated. And everything about the man screamed intimidation.

  “I’m Kal Sheffield, or Uncle Kal to Bug here.”

  “Carson Langford, sir. I’m the new ranch hand.”

  “That so?” A slow grin spread across his face. “Guess that makes me your boss, huh?”

  Ah, hell.

  “Bug, why don’t you go back up to the house and find Aunt Milly? We’re going to be making jam in just a little bit.”

  “Yay!” Willow shrieked at Cassidy’s announcement, taking off out of the barn like a bolt of lightning. Once gone, Cassidy turned back to Kal and shot him with a look I’d never in my right mind dare to give him.

  “What’d I say about the horses, Kal? She’s going to break her neck one of these days,” she practically hissed. At the warning in her eyes as she stared up at him, her head nearly tipped all the way back, I was starting to think the shy, shrinking violet vibe I’d gotten from her earlier was a bit off the mark. She had a fire inside of her. I could see it right then.

  I stood in wonder as the big man actually had the decency to look ashamed. “Ah, baby girl. You know I’d never let anything happen to her. Besides, she’s gonna have to learn sooner or later, living on a ranch and all. You can’t keep her away from them forever. And you’re worrying about nothing.”

  “Falling off a damn horse isn’t nothing, Kal. It doesn’t look like that long of a fall from the ground, but once you get up there, it’s a different story,” Cassidy replied, propping her hands on her hips, accentuating her sexy-as-hell curves.

  Kal’s deep chuckle snapped me from my daydreaming about what those curves would feel like beneath my hands.

  “We’ll beat the last of that city outta you one of these days, baby girl. Just you wait.”

  City? So, Cassidy wasn’t raised on the ranch? That was interesting.

  “We’ll see about that,” she huffed, but I noticed she was biting the corner of her lip to keep from smiling. “Have fun, you two,” she offered up as she turned and headed out of the barn. The view from the back was just as awesome as it was from the front. I hadn’t even realized I was staring until Kal’s rumbling voice snapped me back to reality.

  “Sweet girl, right there,” he said with a tip of his chin in the direction Cassidy had gone. “She’s my niece, but I look at her like I would my own daughter. You understanding me, son?”

  If I hadn’t already understood the warning in his tone loud and clear, the ‘I’ll beat you within an inch of your life if you so much as look at her’ glare spoke volumes. As far as my boss was concerned, Cassidy was off-lim
its. And considering I needed the money from this job, I was inclined to heed his warning.

  At least for the time being.

  “So, that Carson boy’s a looker, huh?” Milly glanced at me from the corner of her eye.

  Not again.

  In the four years I’d been living on Willow Ranch, Milly never let an opportunity pass to try and set me up with any and all reasonably attractive young men she came across. She refused to accept that relationships weren’t something I had any interest in. My priorities were finally where they needed to be. After so many years of putting myself and my selfish needs before everything else, I was finally seeing things clearly. Willow came first, above everything else. That meant there was no time for such things as relationships.

  I refused to let myself fall back on old behavior. And relationships always seemed to lead me down that road. I couldn’t afford to make those same mistakes again.

  “Wassa lookew, Mommy?” Willow asked.

  “It’s nothing, sweetie,” I answered before shooting a warning glare at Milly to drop it. As usual, she didn’t listen.

  “I’m just saying,” she stated with an innocent shrug as she continued to stir the fruit boiling in a pot on the stovetop. I screwed the lids on the recently poured jars of strawberry jam and placed them in a water bath. “You’re only young once. And what’s that thing kids say nowadays? ‘If you don’t use it, you lose it?’”

  “Oh, my God, Milly!” I laughed in surprise. My eyes darted to Willow, who was mushing peaches up with so much determination she wasn’t paying attention to what we were talking about. “She’s gonna hear you,” I hissed.

  “Oh, no, she’s not.” Milly shrugged it off with a wave of her hand. “That child can’t concentrate on anything for more than ten seconds.” As if to prove her point, she tilted her head in Willow’s direction. Sure enough, my little girl had abandoned the peaches and was throwing sugar around the kitchen like it was snow.

  “Bug, no!” I could hear Milly laughing as I took off at a run when the little sugar thrower sprinted off like a bat out of Hell. I could hear her cute little giggle just as I rounded the corner out of the kitchen into the hallway, barreling straight into a massive wall.

  A massive wall of muscle and man that smelled way too damn good.

  “Whoa. Are you okay?”

  His entire presence was overwhelming, and all I could do was stare. My eyes were glued to his chest, where his sweat-dampened t-shirt clung to his muscles…his fabulous, rock-hard muscles. He smelled divine, like the outdoors and laundry detergent and something else entirely masculine. It was enough to fry the most intelligent woman’s brain.

  I blinked and somehow managed to pull my eyes away from his chest in order to look up to see his lips moving. Although, with the combination of his scent, his fabulous body, and the feel of his work-rough hands on my arms, I hadn’t heard a single word he said.

  “I’m sorry, what?”

  One corner of his mouth tipped up in a smirk that told me I’d been busted shamelessly ogling him. His mossy-green eyes glinted with something I hadn’t seen pointed in my direction in four years. Something that sent my stomach plummeting down to my feet.

  Attraction.

  “I asked if you were okay,” Carson responded with a smirk.

  “Oh, uh…” I took a step back in order to clear the fog from my head. “Y-yeah. I’m okay,” I stuttered as I ran my hand through my hair anxiously. It had been so long since I felt drawn to a guy, since I even let myself get close enough. It was too dangerous. I couldn’t stand the anxiety coursing through me at Carson’s attention.

  “I was just going after Bug.” I kept my eyes on the scuffed hardwood floors beneath my feet. The adrenaline of our initial contact had worn off, and I couldn’t bring myself to look him in the eyes. It was too much. He was too much.

  I felt it when I first saw him outside. His presence was just so dominating. Red flags were going up left and right in my mind, warning me that a guy like Carson screamed trouble.

  “She took off out the door right as I was coming in.”

  “Yeah.” My lips quirked up in a small grin as I leaned over to peek out the door. “No doubt she’s run to Kal to keep from getting in trouble.”

  His deep chuckle sent a shiver through my body. “She seems to have him wrapped around her little finger.”

  My grin turned into a full-blown smile as I thought about my little girl and how loved she was. “You have no idea. Kal and about every single man who works on the ranch would give their left arm for that little girl.” I couldn’t help it; I looked up and gave him a conspiratorial wink. “She gets a kick out of playing them for suckers.”

  His penetrating gaze lingered on my face a few seconds longer than necessary, those jade green eyes darkening just slightly before moving down and focusing on my lips.

  “Damn, you should really do that more often.”

  “Do what?” I asked far too breathily.

  His eyes darted back to mine, rendering me immobile even though my body was screaming at me to run. “Smile. You’re beautiful already, but when you smile…Jesus, Violet, you’re gorgeous.”

  I took a step back, unable to take a full breath under the weight of the intensity that seemed to be surrounding us. “Violet? My name’s—”

  Carson cut me off. “Cassidy…I know. But I thought the nickname suited you. You come off like a shrinking violet.” My cheeks heated under his scrutiny, but it was what he said next that had me stunned speechless. “But something tells me it’s all for show, that you tend to act shy to divert attention. Am I right?”

  I stared at him wide-eyed, mouth agape. How was it possible that a man I’d just met, a man I’d spoken a handful of words with managed to see beneath my exterior so easily? It was shockingly frightening.

  “I’m right, aren’t I?” A knowing grin spread across his lips while I struggled to find words.

  “I…”

  “Cass, can you help me…Oh, I’m sorry dear, am I interrupting?” Milly’s disruption was exactly what I needed to put some much needed distance between Carson and me.

  “No!” I responded a little too enthusiastically. I tried again in a calmer tone. “No, not interrupting. I was just…I mean, Carson was…”

  What the hell! Carson Langford had miraculously managed to revert me back into a stuttering pre-pubescent middle-schooler in less than a day.

  I was so screwed.

  “I just stepped in to use the bathroom, ma’am.” Carson’s voice was full of humor as he strode past me, toward the downstairs washroom. He made a concerted effort to brush his body against mine as he moved, causing goose bumps to break out across every inch of exposed skin he touched.

  I hadn’t even realized I was holding my breath until the pressure in my chest became too much. I exhaled audibly just as the bathroom door shut. My heart was beating like I’d run a marathon as I turned to see Aunt Milly looking at me with a calculated grin on her face.

  I held my hand up to ward off any unwanted comments. “Don’t even start.”

  She chuckled, following behind me as I headed back for the kitchen to clean up the mess Willow made. “I didn’t say a thing,” she teased smugly, having clearly witnessed my downward spiral in Carson’s presence.

  “And please keep it that way. I don’t want to hear it.”

  She placed a warm hand over my forearm. “Cassidy, honey, there’s nothing wrong with being young and having fun.”

  “Milly,” I started with a head shake. “I’m not a typical twenty-two-year-old. I have a child.”

  “But that doesn’t mean you have to stop living. That boy’s attracted to you…and you’re attracted to him! What’s so wrong with that?”

  I grabbed a damp dishrag and began sweeping up all the spilled sugar on the marble countertop. “I can’t turn back into the person I was when I first got here, Milly. I just can’t.” I knew my eyes were pleading as I stared into hers, so desperate for her to understand. “I was an awful
person whenever a guy was in the picture. I won’t go back to that.”

  “Good Lord, girly. When are you going to forgive yourself and finally move on? You were a girl. You’ve grown since then. You’ve matured! You can’t spend the rest of your life punishing yourself!”

  “I’m not!” I yelled, my carefully maintained control slipping for just a moment before I was able to reel it back in. “I’m not punishing myself, Aunt Milly. I just know myself. And I’m not ready for any kind of relationship.” I went back to scrubbing the counter as I finished softly, “They bring out the worst in me.”

  Aunt Milly grabbed my arm and turned me around, cupping my cheeks in her soft hands. “Baby girl, how are you ever gonna know if you don’t try? Take a leap, sweetheart. The fun is in the fall.” She placed a kiss on my cheek and walked out of the kitchen.

  “That’s what I’m afraid of,” I whispered.

  I stretched my body, relishing in the ache in my muscles from being so well used. It was just as perfect as it had always been.

  The smile that had spread across my face as I watched Parker come out of the bathroom after disposing of the condom slowly started to fade as he reached for his jeans and began pulling them on.

  “Where are you going?”

  “Home.”

  With his brusque answer, that familiar pressure in my chest—the pain I’d felt from the moment we’d broken up—began to build again. My breathing became shallow as panic formed deep in my gut.

  “What? Why? I thought…I mean, we’re back together now, and my parents won’t be home for a few more hours…” I tried my best to plaster a seductive smile on my face, desperate to do anything to get him to stay. I rose to my knees and let the blanket fall, revealing my naked form to him. “Why don’t you stay for a little longer?” I purred.

  I hated this. The desperation, the fear of being alone.

  Always so alone.

  I’d been born to two of the most selfish people in existence. My mother spent every hour of her days shopping or taking trips across the country to spa retreats. When my father wasn’t traveling for ‘business’, he didn’t have the time or inclination to deal with his own daughter. Vacationing typically meant the two of them going off somewhere on their own, without me. To assuage any guilt they felt at leaving me alone, they showered me in expensive gifts and materiel possessions, things I couldn’t care less about.