Shrinking Violet (a Colors novel) Read online

  “Torture devices that make your ass look phenomenal,” she shot back with a look that said ‘I dare you to argue with me’.

  I held my hands up in surrender because she was right. Even I had to admit I had an ass that didn’t quit. “All right, you win this round.”

  Lana’s face screamed told ya so as she leaned over to flag down a bartender. A few minutes later, a handsome guy in his mid-twenties stopped in front of us, gracing us with what was sure to be his panty-dropping smile.

  “Well, hello. I’m Nate. What can I get you two gorgeous ladies started with?”

  Lana leaned in closer to the good-looking bartender. “I’m single, and this is available,” she said with a thumb in my direction, making my face go red.

  “Lana!”

  “Well then, I’d say it’s my lucky night.” Nate smiled, and I might have swooned just a little bit. I wasn’t going to lie—the man was definitely HOT. Even with a certain ranch hand taking up almost every bit of available brain space, I could still appreciate a fine male specimen such as the one standing before me. However, I didn’t get the same little flutters in my stomach with Nate’s smile as I did every time Carson so much as glanced in my direction.

  Lana ordered two drafts while I let my gaze roam around the room, finally beginning to relax. She and I talked and laughed as the evening progressed, and before I knew it, my first beer was gone and she was pushing another into my hand.

  It had been so long since I drank anything, and just one beer made my head a little floaty. But I was starting to feel lighter than I had in years, more carefree. And as the beer hit my system, warming my belly, I basked in the fact that the weight I carried on my shoulders day-in and day-out seemed to lessen just a bit as the clock on the wall continued to tick.

  “Okay, lightweight, go slower with the next one. You’re already looking a little buzzed.”

  “I haven’t drank in years.” I giggled.

  “And you’re only twenty-two. That’s just sad, honey.”

  No, what was sad was that I’d only had one beer over the span of a few minutes and my bladder was about to explode.

  “Where are you going?” Lana asked as I pushed off my stool and started the treacherous task of walking on the high heels from Hell while buzzed.

  “Gotta pee,” I announced loudly. “Be right back.”

  Somehow, I made it from the main room into the hallway, only stumbling once or twice. I was a few feet away from the restroom when a door to my right marked “STORAGE” swung open. A curvy brunette came stumbling out, her clothes rumpled, hair in complete disarray. I didn’t bother to try and stifle my giggle at her unkempt appearance, earning myself an evil glare from the woman about to do the walk of shame in a full bar.

  Just as I turned away, the door swung open again, revealing the man the brunette had clearly just had sex with. It took my brain a few seconds to realize what I was seeing. Stumbling out of the storage closet, eyes focused on zipping up his fly, was the man who had my emotions in a complete upheaval for the past few days.

  “Carson.”

  I hated how my voice broke on just that word, my throat clogging with emotion—namely disappointment at the sight of him. I knew I had no right to be upset—he wasn’t even my friend, let alone something more—but that didn’t stop the gnawing ache in the pit of my stomach from snuffing out the carefree buzz I’d had just moments earlier.

  His gaze shot to mine, those mossy green eyes going wide. He stood silent for several seconds, his hands on his fly and a deer-in-the-headlights expression on his face.

  Carson’s lids dropped in a slow blink, and his mouth opened and closed several times before he finally spoke a ragged, “Violet.”

  “Cassidy,” I corrected shortly, unreasonably upset at the sight of him post-hookup. I didn’t want to hear his nickname for me just then.

  Clearly not appreciating Carson’s attention momentarily shifting to me, the brunette sauntered back up to him, grabbed his face and pulled him down to plant a ridiculously inappropriate kiss on his lips. To his credit, he appeared frozen for the few seconds it took her to pull away.

  Pulling a white business card from her clutch, she tucked it into his front pants pocket…but not before groping the bulge behind his zipper.

  Her voice was low and husky as she spoke, “Call me when you get off work, baby.” If it had been anyone else standing in front of me, I would have been inclined to roll my eyes—the little show she was putting on wasn’t anything I hadn’t done hundreds of times in my past life. But it wasn’t just anyone, it was Carson…the man who’d invaded my thoughts from the moment he stepped foot on the ranch, the only man since starting my new life who gave me that ‘dragonflies in my belly, weak at the knees’ sensation. Obviously, that stupid feeling had been wasted on the likes of him.

  “Vi…uh, I mean, Cassidy. What are you doing here?”

  “Girls’ night with Lana. If you’ll excuse me, I just needed to use the restroom.” The smile I pasted on my face didn’t come close to meeting my eyes. Without giving him a chance to say anything else, I turned and shoved through the door, exhaling loudly once it closed behind me.

  Four hard years of teaching myself to be a different person—a better person—were flushed down the drain in less than two minutes. After relieving my aching bladder and washing my hands, I stood in front of the mirror, staring at my reflection, silently berating myself for how I was feeling. I was hurt, disappointed, angry…jealous. It was all completely irrational, I knew that. But I’d never been prone to rationality in the past.

  As my blue gaze flitted over my features, I told myself one thing: I couldn’t control how I felt, but I could damn well control how I acted. Feeling irrational gave me no right to act irrational. That was something I’d had trouble controlling when I was younger, but I wasn’t that mean, scared little girl anymore.

  I straightened my shoulders and raised my chin, determined not to revert back to how I used to behave. I was going to go back out there, have a drink, flirt with some attractive yet harmless man, and have fun, damn it!

  Pep talk complete, I dried my hands and left the restroom, nearly plowing right into Carson’s chest on the way out.

  His strong hands wrapped around my upper arms, keeping me from falling and sending a zing of electricity through my system at the same time. “You okay?” The combination of his gruff voice and his touch caused me to shiver involuntarily.

  I shook my head to clear it of the lusty haze and stepped back, breaking contact. “Were you waiting out here for me to finish?” I asked, not really sure how I felt about that.

  Carson’s cheeks tinged pink just slightly as he lowered his eyes to the floor between us, one hand coming up to rub at the back of his neck anxiously. It was adorably endearing.

  Wait...what? No, it’s not endearing it. Snap the hell out of it, Cassidy. He just had sex with another woman in a storage room!

  “About what you saw—”

  I lifted my hand to stop him. “It’s really not my business, Carson. You’re a grown man; you don’t need to explain your actions to me.” I wanted to pat myself on the back for sounding so calm and collected, even though I felt anything but.

  His light brown eyebrows dipped down as he studied my expression, and I got the sense he was questioning my sincerity. I cleared my throat and sidestepped his larger frame, feeling the need to escape from his penetrating gaze before he saw right through my façade.

  “Well, have a good evening. See you later.”

  I could feel his eyes burning into my skin as I walked away, so I shot up a quick prayer to the fashion gods to please keep me from tripping ass-over-elbow in my sky-high heels. I breathed a sigh of relief when I made it back to my stool next to Lana unscathed.

  “That had to have been the world’s longest pee! You took forever. Wait.” She narrowed her eyes and studied me. “What’s the matter? Did something happen?”

  “No,” I scoffed dramatically. “Why would you ask that?”


  “Because you look like someone just told you Nabisco plans to stop making chewy Chips Ahoy cookies forever.”

  I gasped. “Don’t even joke about that!”

  “Seriously, Cass, what’s with the long face?”

  I picked up my beer and gulped it before finally telling her what I stumbled onto in the hallway.

  “No way!”

  “Yep. He was still zipping up as he walked out of the room.”

  “That’s kind of…”

  “Skanky?” I asked at the same time Lana responded with “Hot.”

  Lana reached over to hit me on my back as I choked on the sip of beer I’d just taken. “You can’t be serious,” I croaked once I could breathe again.

  She opened her mouth to respond when a familiar, gravelly voice spoke from the other side of the bar.

  “Another round, ladies?”

  Lana’s eyes went comically wide for a second before we both spun in our seats to face Carson.

  “Well, well. Not just one but two sex-on-a-stick bartenders,” Lana teased. “Looks like it’s our lucky night.”

  “Looks like it,” Carson replied, one corner of his mouth tipping up in a smirk, but his focus was trained on me. Something flashed in his pale green eyes, disappearing before I could recognize it.

  Lana smacked the bar top. “We’ll take two drafts, barkeep. And make it snappy.”

  “You got it.” He chuckled, shooting me a little wink as he turned away. Yeah…I was pretty sure I just melted a little bit.

  As soon as he was out of earshot, Lana leaned over. “You can’t seriously tell me you don’t think that man is sex personified,” she hissed so only I could hear.

  I couldn’t argue with her. I currently had a bird’s-eye view of just how perfect his ass looked in his jeans. “I never said he wasn’t.”

  “And you’re not even the least bit curious as to how he worked it back in that storage room? Jesus, I mean, look at those hips.” Of course, once she brought it up, I had to look. “They were made to have legs wrapped around them.”

  That was certainly one vivid visual she was creating. “Okay! Yes. He’s hot. So what? What’s it matter?”

  “It matters because you’re into him!” I opened my mouth to disagree, but she interrupted me. “Don’t even bother denying it. In the time I’ve known you, I’ve never once seen you watch a guy the way you have Carson. You’re totally busted, girly. You liiiike him,” she said, dragged out like a teenage girl.

  Before I had a chance to formulate a response, two pilsner glasses were placed in front of us. I looked up to find Carson watching me once again.

  Please, Lord, if you hear me, I’m begging you, please have made him temporarily deaf so he didn’t hear Lana. Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease. Thank you and Amen.

  “Need anything else?” he asked both of us, even though his eyes never strayed from me.

  “Uh, no. Nope, I think we’re good. Thanks.”

  He remained in place, silent, assessing. The irrational part of me was jumping up and down on the inside at his attention while the rational part just wanted him to go away. You could cut the intensity between us with a knife. He finally spoke again, releasing me from the hold his beautifully pale eyes had on me.

  “You need a ride home? I get off in about a half hour.”

  “Oh, um. I don’t…”

  “We’re going to stick around for a while longer.” I could have kissed Lana for the rescue. “We still haven’t found a hotty for Cassidy to get her flirt on with.”

  Carson’s brows dropped in an exaggerated furrow, the pale green glinting with something that looked none too happy, and I immediately took back my earlier gratefulness. Lana was a straight-up menace, and I was seriously contemplating ovary-punching her.

  His voice dropped even lower than normal. “What?”

  “Yeah,” Lana continued, without a care in the world. “Our girl here’s had a four-year dry spell. Tonight’s all about getting her back in the saddle.”

  Jesus! She was making it sound so much worse than it actually was.

  “So, you’re here to find a hookup?” His tone wasn’t so much angry as it was intrigued. That set off red flags left and right.

  “N-no…it’s not like that. I would never hook up with some random guy I just met.” I wanted to bang my head on the bar as soon as the words left my mouth. “Not that there’s anything wrong with that,” I quickly added, hoping I didn’t offend him. “It’s just not for me. I mean, to each their own and all that. We’re all grownups here…”

  Quick as a flash, Lana’s hand shot out and covered my mouth, putting a stop to my excessive word vomit. And I wanted to kiss her again. Her ovaries were currently safe.

  “What she means is, she’s just here to find a guy to flirt with…baby steps and all that. You get it.”

  “Sure.” He chuckled. “Good luck with that, Violet.”

  He turned and walked down the length of the bar, and I finally breathed a sigh of relief; that was, until I saw him lean down and say something to Nate, the other bartender we’d met earlier. Nate shot a brief look our way before whispering something to Carson. The two of them laughed and went about filling people’s drinks.

  “What do you think that was all about?” Lana asked.

  I gave my head a shake. “Honestly, I have no idea.”

  “Well, one thing’s for damn sure. I think you need to ride Carson like a rodeo cowgirl, woman! Jesus, I think I just got off on the sparks you two were throwing.”

  I laughed uncomfortably, picking up my beer and taking a much-needed swig. “You’re out of your damn mind. He just had sex with another woman. You want me to get in there now?”

  “I’m not saying it’s gotta be tonight, but if he’s anywhere near as intense in the bedroom as he was just looking at you, I’m pretty sure you won’t be able to walk for a week. Be young, Cass! Be dumb! Live a little.”

  “I can’t do that,” I told her quietly with a shake of my head. “I can’t be young and dumb. I have to think about Willow. I have to do what’s right by her.”

  “Sweetheart, I’m not suggesting you take him home for a sleepover and introduce him as your boyfriend. All I’m saying is you’ve spent the past four years living like a nun. You give that little girl everything in the world because you’re a badass momma. It’s long past due that you had a little something for yourself. No one has to know except you, Carson, and if I’m guessing correctly, his neighbors.”

  I let out a loud laugh at Lana’s sly wink. I couldn’t help but think she had a point. It had been a long time…a really, really long time. I didn’t miss who I used to be, but my body sure as hell missed sex. Could I handle something casual? Could I go into something with no strings attached and still walk away with a hold on my emotions?

  Once Lana planted the seed, it was hard to think about much of anything else. I just had to figure out if I was strong enough.

  “What the hell is going on?” Lana demanded.

  Just as Carson had said, he got off work a little over a half-hour before. But he didn’t leave. Instead, he’d taken up residence a few stools down from us, chatting with Nate and the new bartender who’d just come on shift. He left Lana and me to ourselves, but every time a man came within a few feet of us, either Carson or one of the other bartenders would say something under their breaths that we couldn’t hear, and the guy immediately turned tail and walked away.

  I’d psyched myself up to flirt with a man that night, but from the way they would look back in our direction, you’d think we were carriers for Ebola.

  “Oh, that son of a bitch,” Lana seethed just as another guy casually started in our direction, only to be stopped by Carson. “He’s warning them off!”

  “What?”

  “That asshole and his friends are warning off every single dude who so much as looks at you! Watch.” She scanned the crowd for a moment before pointing someone out. “There, that guy.”

  “What about him?”
/>   “Shoot him a smile really quick. Get him to head this way. And make it sexy, none of that shy stuff. Really get his attention.”

  I glanced over my shoulder to the guy in question. He wasn’t bad-looking, but he didn’t make my belly flutter, either. Average hair, average eyes, average…well, everything, really.

  “I’m not really interested in that guy, Lana. Can you pick out someone else?”

  “This isn’t about flirting anymore. This is strictly for testing purposes only. Now, bat those baby blues and get that guy over here!”

  Releasing an indignant huff, I turned sideways and focused on Mr. Average across the bar. As soon as he felt my eyes on him, he turned and looked at me. Tapping into my past self—just a little—I lowered my chin, giving him a flirty grin beneath my lashes before biting down on my lower lip and lifting my hand in a small wave.

  He fell for it, hook, line, and sinker.

  Damn, it’s just like riding a bike.

  That was easy…too easy.

  Standing from his table, Mr. Average made a beeline straight for us. He couldn’t have been more than twenty feet away. It took him closing in ten feet before Nate lifted his chin in the guy’s direction; another two feet for Carson to turn around and spot who Nate just pointed out. By the time Mr. Average was five feet away, he was firmly on Carson’s radar.

  Before he had a chance to come any closer, Carson’s arm shot out, blocking the guy’s path. A few words were exchanged in low voices, Mr. Average’s eyes came up to meet mine for all of two seconds, and then he turned and headed back to his own table.

  “What the hell?” I breathed at the same time Lana shouted, “I knew it!”

  “What the hell was that?” she yelled over at Carson. Nate, bless his deceptive little heart, obviously saw the storm clouds behind Lana’s eyes and wisely escaped to the other end of the bar once the two of us were up and on the move.

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Carson tried—and failed—to hide his smirk behind his beer bottle.

  My hands landed on my hips as I narrowed my angry eyes on him. “You’ve been cock-blocking for the past forty-five minutes!”